7 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

Were you taught to believe that striving for perfection is a worthy goal since young? Perhaps, from the time when you were a child, you learnt that perfect scores are ideal. If you did not, you would be penalised even if it was just one mistake out of every ten correct ones. And so, you have been conditioned to believe that you need to be perfect – that is, without a flaw, failure or weakness.

What you crave for is approval, in the strive for perfection. The shadow side is the fear of rejection that you hold.  You fear being ridiculed and not accepted for who you are if you are perceived as less than perfect.

Note that there is nothing wrong with wanting to produce your best work or hoping to present yourself in a good light. However, having a perfectionistic streak can have negative consequences. You are in the energy of “striving”, in seeking to meet a certain standard; failing which, you would shred yourself to pieces. The thought of imperfection makes you feel not-whole, incomplete, discontented and ill. The emotion that you experience is shame. There is a strong sense of disapproval towards the self.

Symptoms of Perfectionism

– You are highly critical of your own mistakes or if you fail to meet certain expectations.

– You cannot seem to roll out a finished product such as a book or complete a project because it is “never good enough”.

– You spend hours obsessing over some minor detail that no one else would notice.

– You have a tendency to focus on the 20% that has gone wrong and cannot give credit to the 80% that is right.

– You believe that you would never be perfect in the way you look. It is important that you never be caught in a photograph with your mouth open wide, in an embarrassing posture or having “crows’ feet”. Any picture of yourself with an unflattering blemish needs to be edited heavily via photoshop before you can show it to others.

– You spend two hours editing three lines of words that never get published in the end.

– You downgrade your assessment of a product or service because you believe that your whole experience is compromised by a spelling error, a grammar mistake or an extra spacing.

Consequences of the Need for Perfection

The fear of not being able to create great work can stop you in your tracks from producing anything at all. It can cause an increased tendency to procrastinate. You are likely to take a long time or not even get started.

You may also find it hard to make up your mind. Nothing seems to be good enough. Unable to decide which is best, you move from one idea to another. There is a need to be, do or have the best.

As a perfectionist, you have the aim of honing your craft to a fine art. Each detail is important to you. You would spend hours obsessing over things that few people would even notice.

The constant bombardment of negative messages from the media definitely does not help. You are made to believe that the perfect appearance means looking fabulous every day. Picture-perfect, Instagram-ready and the need to show that you are having a hell of a good time! Every attempt is made to project an image that would elicit admiration, adoration and approval from your followers on social media.

Shame-based Perfectionism

Problems arise when we lose our sense of perspective, in striving for perfection. We leak energy from an inability to feel settled and find it hard to take risks and needed action. When we start to tune in, it is possible to discover that the base emotion we are experiencing is shame. We project our shame onto others and become highly critical of others in the process. All in all, we put ourselves in restrictive, limiting and contracted – instead of expanded – states of being.

According to David R Hawkins in his book “Power vs Force”, shame is at the lowest level in the Map of Consciousness. He developed this map through kinesiology, after conducting hundreds (or thousands) of double-blind studies and mass demonstrations. Shame is akin to psychological death. It has the energy level of only 20. The highest is Enlightenment at an energy level of 1000.

“The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life.” – David Hawkins, Power vs Force

In shame, we would hang our heads. We experience a “loss of face”. We ask ourselves, “how can we face anyone from now on?” We shrink away from society. Historically, from the earliest caveman days, banishment is synonymous with shame.

Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

Oh yes, wanting things perfect has held me back at one time or another. However, what has helped me is having a sense of adventure. Being bold often propels me to take risks. Incidentally, through a Kolbe test – which helped me to gain better awareness about my strengths – that I took just two days ago, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I scored very highly on the “Quick Start” instinct-based action mode. This means that I have an increased ability to take on risks and uncertainty, kick myself into gear and to improvise under challenging situations.

Consider the following tips:

Tip #1 to Overcome Perfectionism: Work on your self esteem.

At the root of it all is the thought “I am not good enough”. Chances are as a perfectionist, you are contending with a little voice that says you, your appearance or work is never good enough.

Realize that you are already whole, despite the imperfections that you see. Embrace who you are – faults, warts and all – totally. Bring awareness to your negative self-talk. Silence your inner critic with the light of awareness. Use energy releasing methods (to find out more, apply for a 30 minute complimentary session with me) to work on shame, if you have identified it as the root emotion.

Tip #2 to Overcome Perfectionism: Look at the big picture.

Take a few steps backwards to gain a better perspective. Ask yourself if the detail that you are obsessing over is really that critical. Does it truly affect your overall assessment or experience of the product or service?

Changing your perspective allows you to know that it is up to you to perceive meaning. There can be perfection even within the folds of imperfection.

Tip #3 to Overcome Perfectionism: Set reasonable expectations.

While you recognize your efforts in wanting to be the best you can, set more reasonable expectations. Acknowledge your limitations. Setting excessively high standards adds unnecessary stress and reduces your overall well-being.

Ask yourself “good enough for whom?” Realize that you are your own harshest critic. It happens when you don’t allow yourself any room for error. There is no need to exert undue pressure. No one is born superhuman. If everyone around you thinks that your work is wonderful as it is, consider taking their opinion seriously.

“When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.” – Bill Lemley

Tip #4 to Overcome Perfectionism: Learn to laugh.

Taking things less seriously can help. Learn to loosen up. Take a light-hearted approach to life.

Consider what is the worst that can happen even if you have not produced the perfect product, not written the best article or have grown a wrinkle or two?

Through self-analysis, you might discover that you have been overly dramatic in predicting the worst.

Tip #5 to Overcome Perfectionism: Understand that you are a work-in-progress.

You are on a learning journey, just like everyone is. Acknowledge your desire to produce an excellent piece of work. However, never allow allow perfectionism to hold you back from producing, delivering or publishing your work. You can always go back to revise, make corrections or amendments after collecting feedback.

“When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.” – George Fisher

Tip #6 to Overcome Perfectionism: Study successful people.

If you review case studies, you would realize that successful people did not necessarily produce perfect pieces of work. Think iPad or iPhone. Even Apple offers repeated improvements after the first version of their product.

Tip #7 to Overcome Perfectionism: Learn to get past yourself.

So, you believe that you have got an important self-image to protect. And you would label yourself a failure if you are less than perfect. Understand that beliefs about perfectionism spring from your ego. Your ego is not who you are. Your soul is here to learn about getting past your contrived stories, painted dramas and mistaken beliefs.

And when you do, you would experience much freedom. You would have liberated yourself from untruths that have been stopping you from experiencing the fullness of life.

“You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.” – Martha Graham

Share Your Tips

What has helped you to overcome perfectionism? Share your tips and thoughts in the comments below.

Abundance always,

Evelyn Lim
Abundance Life Coach for Women 

Download Your Free eBook on 3 Mindset Strategies to Turn Self-Doubt into Confidence When You Subscribe