Self Mastery

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Master yourself to manifest abundance

The 3Ps of Shame and How You Can Let Them Go

The 3Ps of Shame can be found in People-pleasing, Perfectionism and Procrastination.

People-pleasing – refers to seeking approval from others and pleasing others in their needs and wants and often at the sacrifice of our own.

Perfectionism – the need to be perfect in the way we are, do or have and the refusal to accept flaws, imperfection or mistakes.

Procrastination – refers to the constant postponement of activities & employing distraction tactics, so that we can hide from our shame.

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Mindfulness Teachings from Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child

Reconciliation Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve enjoyed reading Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and thought I’d honour his recent passing by sharing what I’ve learnt about applying mindfulness for healing the inner child.

Connecting with The Energy of Mindfulness

“The energy of mindfulness is the salve that will recognize and heal the child within.” Thich Nhat Hanh

In Buddhist psychology, there are two parts to consciousness, the mind consciousness and the store consciousness. Mind consciousness is our active awareness for everyday living while store consciousness is often referred to as the “unconscious mind” where our past experiences are stored. In some situations, we go through life without engaging our mind consciousness. For example, when we drive without actively thinking, we are using our store consciousness.

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How Self-Love is a Mindfulness Practice of Tiny Habits

As I’ve discovered, self-love is not just a practice but a mindfulness one.

This means that loving ourselves is not a mere one-time or a short-term exercise; whether we are going for a therapy session, a singing bowl meditation to heal our heart chakra or buying ourselves a branded bag so that we can feel better.

Self-love is much more than any of these.

Some of us may have the expectation that self-love can happen magically overnight. The truth is that for those of us with trouble loving and accepting themselves unconditionally, it takes consistent work. It’s certainly been my experience.

Over the years, life would throw me a new challenge again and again and due to being triggered, I’d find myself reverting to the same pattern of feeling unlovable and unloved. At first, I felt disappointed and bitter that none of the healing I did appear to have worked. It would seem that doing inner work was pointless.

Yet, upon review, I realised that my early efforts were sporadic to begin with. Eventually, after seeing how I was caught in repeated patterns, I began to realise that self-love is not going to be an overnight or a one-time healing thing. It finally occurred to me that if I am interested to have enough of a breakthrough, I need to regard self-love as being more of a practice.

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How EFT Tapping for Inner Child Healing Works

Applying EFT Tapping for Inner Child

EFT tapping for inner child healing involves using our fingertips to tap on specific meridian points on the face and body for addressing childhood wounds. As our physical reactions today could be tied to issues that stem from childhood, applying EFT is effective because unhealed emotions can get trapped and the body keeps the score. Even though the past is long gone, it is possible to heal in the now by applying tapping.

Download this resource page on EFT Tapping for Your Inner Child.

Women often approach me for help to deal with their stress. Their stress can be anything from dealing with a money or work-related challenge, relationship problems, not feeling “good enough”, low self-love to anxiety issues. They would have been holding on to anger, worry, insecurity and frustration for a long time before asking for help. (Understandably, most of us face resistance with getting assistance.)

Some would share about experiencing the same repetitive themes of abandonment and rejection in their lives. Thus, when we get together in a session, we usually begin by patiently peeling off the layers to determine the root cause of their issues. Invariably, we would find out that these issues stem from their past – primarily in childhood. As a result, we are led to working on healing their inner child.

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How to Connect with Your Inner Child: Words for Healing

When connecting with our inner child for the first time, we may feel at a loss about what to say or what to do. It’s possible that we feel weird because it is as if we are talking to ourselves. After all, our inner child exists in the mind and no one else can see her (or him) but us. Also, what words can we use to support healing?

According to psychologists, our inner child is described as the hidden part of our personality that is characterised by playfulness, spontaneity, and creativity usually accompanied by anger, hurt, and fear attributable to childhood experiences.

Through our mind’s eye, we connect with our inner self from tracing back to our earliest memory on when we felt the same (negative) way. We get a sense of how old our younger self was and the situation she was in. She may be our 3-year old, 6 year-old or whatever age and she is holding on to hurt, anger, helplessness or any unresolved need. It is when we (our adult self) enter the memory to meet her.

Next, we may encounter the situation of not knowing what to say to her. We have grown in chronological age but we could have left her behind. In fact, I’ve observed how emotional it can be when we do inner child work for the first time. It was that way for me too. The great news is that once we start healing, we gain a sense of well-being like never before.

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How Nellie Released Limiting Money Blocks to Client Attraction and Authentic Selling

I was helping a client (let’s call her Nellie, not her real name) clarify the ideal client that she’d like to work with, when we discovered that she was having some limiting money blocks about people who are wealthy.

Nellie’s line of work requires her to service the needs of wealthy individuals or at least people with excess funds. If she releases her subconscious blocks, client attraction can potentially happen with greater ease. It will certainly help Nellie to have more clients as the extra income that she gets can go a long way to supporting her family with two young kids. Since her beliefs could be in the way for client attraction and business sales, we proceeded to work on releasing the limiting money blocks.

Childhood Situation that Created Limiting Money Blocks

When I asked Nellie what some of her discomfort was reminding her of, she recalled two childhood incidents when she was 11 years old that had left her feeling lousy, disgusted and ashamed.

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How to Heal Childhood Wounds: 4 Common Patterns

A childhood wound is an emotional pain or a negative belief that a part of us internalised due to a traumatic past event or the relationship we had with our parents or caregivers when we were young.

As I have discovered, unresolved childhood wounds can adversely affect the quality of life in our adult years. Indeed, they have an impact on our personalities, beliefs, career choices, and relationships. We can also be passing on our childhood wounds to the future generations.

Our wounded child is acting up if we often find ourselves in self-sabotage, making poor choices or having over-the-top reactions to triggers. She or he is crying for attention of unhealed emotions. If we choose to ignore our wounded child, we can be stuck for years.

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What is Emotional Bypassing and Why It Matters

Emotional bypassing happens when we don’t allow ourselves to fully process our negative feelings. Instead, we sweep them under the carpet or we gloss over them by “willing” the mind to think positively. Say, something traumatic happens to us. We don’t face it because we fear feeling worse off. Thus, instead of grieving or upset, we simply put on a brave front and pretend that all is fine.

In another instance, we guilt-trip ourselves for feeling negative when we ought to be grateful. We believe that we have no right to complain about feeling poorly where someone else is at a more disadvantaged situation. And so we stuff our feelings inside.

Emotional bypassing is often referred to as spiritually bypassing. It was the late psychologist John Welwood who coined the term spiritual bypassing to describe what he saw in a Buddhist community. He describes it as the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” In the practice of non-attachment, many Buddhists deny what they truly feel.

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Tapping to Boost Mental and Spiritual Health (Top of the Head Meridian Point)

Would like to boost mental and spiritual health?

One way for boosting mental and spiritual health is the Top of the Head or the “Bai-hui” meridian point. The point sits on the crown of our head. The literal Chinese-to-English translation of “Bai-hui” means “the meeting place of the hundreds”. Aptly, it is where all the energies of our body converge and meet.

In TCM, it is often said that “heaven, earth and man are the three powers”. The top of our head is where our human body connects with heaven. It is where the gateway to spirituality resides and and where a lotus flower blossoms in the wake of rising consciousness ((visualise a slow-motion video with the petals unfolding).

The “Bai-hui” meridian point is also the meeting point of all the Yang energy in the body. TCM practitioners use this acupoint in cases of neurological and psychological diseases. By activating this point, it promotes relaxation and mental focus.

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3 Mindful Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Is imposter syndrome in the way for you with putting yourself out there?

Perhaps you have been hoping to step up as a coach, leader or to move to the next level.

But somehow you believe that you are some kind of a “fraud” even though you already have the experience or expertise in your field of work.

You just don’t feel “good enough”.

It is also possible that you are afraid of being exposed at any moment.

Well, in case you think that you are the only one facing imposter syndrome, what I’d like to share with you is: you are not alone!

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