How to Handle A Visit From Fear
Fear had been a long time companion of mine. We have had many conversations in the past over coffee chats and meditation sittings. At first, I listened to Fear intently. I observed how Fear was doing a great job in her warnings to me.
My mind went into calculating, analyzing and thinking with all the points raised by Fear. The more issues she brought up, the more she gesticulated; and the more, she spoke with emotion. Soon, Fear found herself in overdrive.
I noted Fear’s good intent. “Fear is telling me to play small so that I will feel safe”, I said to myself. Clearly, she did not want me to fail. I nodded, in acknowledgment of her pledge of support. Her stern advice went in a menacing voice “Surely, you do not want to be embarrassed? Any signs of failure are not going to look good!”
I pondered; my mind going back and forth. I felt as if I was making a decision that was going to affect the future voice of the United Nations. The weight of ensuring world peace got heavy on my shoulders. With all that thinking about responsibility, an emotional truckload of Pain, Frustration, Stress and Worry soon arrived.
(In case you don’t already know – Pain, Frustration, Stress and Worry are Fear’s buddies.) They were delighted with the invitation. By now, Fear was having some kind of a party. She was quite ready to pop a bottle of champagne, celebrating her victory.
Luckily, I had some awareness that there was some kind of melodrama going on. Fear was doing such an excellent job with offering her thoughts that it was paralysing me into indecision. I was not giving Fear an easy time either. I responded in return, “What is the prize in playing small and never taking a risk?” I have to admit that I did not quite enjoy the ensuing debate with her.
After a while, I realized how exhausted I was feeling. I was tired of doing all that thinking. That was when I knew that no amount of analysis was ever going to accurately predict the future. So any kind of anticipated failure may or may not happen.
Enough was enough!
I stamped my feet, “This madness has to stop!!”
And so I finally made a decision. I told Fear how I respected her opinion. Politely, I thanked her for her thoughts. I assured her that I was not ignoring her but emphasised how important it was for me to go for my dreams.
Fear fell silent.
I paused.
And then I asked firmly, “can you allow me some freedom to pursue what I want?”
Fear finally gave a weak smile.
She nodded.
She understood that I have decided to take charge.
“Yes, yes”, she whispered.
She left swiftly, vanishing into thin air in the morning light.
And that was how I handled a visit from Fear one day.
Since then, I have had fewer visits from her. I don’t always succeed but I am getting better and better at saying “no” to her dramas.
I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. – Erica Jong.
[Update: These days, I am also turning Fear into my Friend. Her feedback has been valuable for soul awakening. Through emotional healing, she has mellowed a great deal. Thank you, Fear! ]Shifting Into Peace, Love and Courage,
Evelyn Lim
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Evelyn Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Hello Rebecca,
I hope that your conversation with Anger will turn out well 🙂
With love,
Evelyn