How To Calm Down From Unresolved Anger Quickly

Is your life pretty much like a roller coaster? You may be in extreme joy one moment but in the next, your emotion comes crashing down like a tide. You practically have little control. What you feel is pretty much dictated by the experiences that life throws at you. If anything, anger is a negative emotion that you often find yourself with. Well, I can pretty much relate to the scenerio that I’ve just described; it depicted much of how my life was previously.

With introspection, one important lesson that I have come to know is that it is very possible to detach myself from anger. Before, I would be so identified with anger that I totally immerse myself in it. The more I connected with my inner feelings of hurt and frustration associated with the anger, the higher the intensity of my emotions.

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7 Tips To Surviving Tough Times

Going through tough times? It takes a lot of faith to believe what seems impossible, when life is going rough. From your perspective, you may believe that things are already so bad that they cannot get worse. What unbelievable bad luck, you seem to be tapping into. You may well feel like banging your head against the wall, in frustration and despair. Perhaps, it may be due to a sequence of bad experiences that you have or if you are born with some physical challenges. Somehow, your life just seems a lot more difficult than others.

Well, I’d like to dedicate this post to those of you, who are going through tough times right now and who need a little support. I’ve often been through these episodes myself and what better way, from having pulled myself through countless times, than to share what I’ve learnt on my blog? Hopefully they can help you too. Continue reading

How To Deal With Negative Emotions By Ajahn Brahm

In today’s video posting, I’m featuring a talk by Ajahn Brahmavamso (or known as Ajahn Brahm) on how to deal with negative emotions. Ajahn Brahm is the current Abbort of Bodhinyana Monastery in Perth and who is trained in the forest meditation tradition of the revered Venerable Ajahn Chah. Although his teachings are based on Buddhist principles, the tips he shares can be easily applied by anyone who is keen to lead a happier life.

It’s quite a long video clip but well worth the time spent. If you don’t already know this, Ajahn Brahm has always delivered his talks filled with jokes and entertaining stories, while embedding some wisdom that invokes you to think more deeply. I’ve been a follower of Ajahn Brahm’s teachings for some years now and would always try to make time to listen to him whenever he comes to town. It’s great that recordings of the talks he give is now available more publicly.

In this video, Ajahn Brahm provided several examples to illustrate how unskilful thoughts and attitudes are often the cause of our negative emotions and how when emotions are negative, wisdom cannot arise. Ajahn Brahm proposed that our negative emotions can also arise due to social conditioning such as in a funeral. He asked poignantly: do we grieve or do we celebrate the life of the person who has just passed away?

He recommended that we give up exercising control over our anger, frustration or worry and that we do not suppress our negative emotions either. Instead, it is best to accept, make peace with them and let them go.

What I liked best is his conclusion: that the goal for us is not about becoming emotionally dead. Instead, it is better to transcend our negative emotions and to fill ourselves with happiness, peace, kindness, compassion and respect for every moment. These can usually be cultivated by practising deep meditation and training our minds. It is to his observation that some of the most learned monks are the ones who are happiest. As positive emotions become stronger to replace negative ones, we can then become beacons to our world.

Cinderella And The Story About Attracting Abundance

Once upon a time, in a magical land far far away, there lived a young maiden, who lived with her stepmother and two ugly stepsisters. They were horrible to her, piling her with loads of housework, making her work near the cinders and eventually calling her “Cinderella”.

Cinderella dreamed of a life of abundance. She dreamed of riches, beautiful gowns and the man who would save her from her wretched life. Nevertheless, every once in a while, she could not help but focused on her rags, her miserable room in the attic and her lack to abundance. She could not help feeling envious about the pretty dresses and the magnificent finery that her stepsisters wore.

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EFT: Feelings Of Inadequacy

Ever felt inadequate as a parent? I know I have. Even after some 7 years of parenting, I still get pangs of insecurity or not knowing how best to deal with a trying situation with my kids.

In fact, I decided to address these negative emotions during my therapy sesson with my EFT practitioner, today. Things have been pretty stressful for a few days in a row when my kids took turns to make unreasonable demands. The negative emotions were easily neutralized using EFT tappingin seconds. (Emotional healing work has been less of a strain and more of a breeze these days, now that I have cleared many of my negative blocks.)

My stress had also brought back a flood of memories. I have always wanted to have kids but nothing quite prepared me for the vast responsibility that comes with being a parent.

When I became a mother for the first time, I was extremely stressed. I did not know what to do or how to take care of a newborn. My husband was constantly away on business trips and I was left pretty much on my own. My mother dropped by often, when she noted that I needed help with Hui. But her babysitting skills were limited. When I was a child, I was taken care of by a helper. She had little prior experience with Hui being her first grandchild.

At that point in time, I had also decided to leave a full time career. On reflection, I must have suffered from post natal blues. I was depressed for a good many months after the birth of my daugther.

I got smarter as the years went by. I drew up schedules for my kids, so that they knew when is reading time and when is playtime. We set up certain guidelines so that my kids knew what is expected of them. Still, there will be situations that will come up unexpectedly with my kids and that require some ingenuity in dealing with them.

I recognise that I may get this wave of inadequacy every now and then. But the technique I can apply, when faced with two unyielding kids, is EFT tapping. I also make it a point to set aside time daily in quiet meditation and reflection. If things do get overwhelming and I cannot deal with the stress on my own, I make a note to deal with the specific negative emotions for my next therapy session. Parenting may still be one of the toughest job on earth, but it has gotten a whole lot easier!

Blocks To The Law Of Attraction: Worry

Worry is a stream of negative thinking I know very well because I had lived with it all my life. Until recently, I did not realize that the presence of worry is not helpful for the Law of Attraction to work positively. After becoming more aware about my mental suffering from excessive worry, I observed that many of my friends suffering from the same. Worry can be over anything from health to money and at every stage of our lives.

I had worried about almost every little thing previously. I worried about how I would fare in my exams, when I was in school. Then, I worried about my career prospects, when I started working. I worried about not being able to find the person with whom I could share my life with, when I was single. When I got married and had kids, I started worrying about and for them. I also worried whether I would have enough funds to send my kids abroad for studies. I worried about not having enough money to retire.

My mind had chosen to ignore the fact I was already blessed in many ways but was constantly focused on what I did not have. The central theme running through most of my thoughts was worry about not going to have enough. I was undeniably miserable with having negative thoughts. My constant worries easily caused me plenty of sleepless nights many times before.

Does my life story sound familiar to yours?

Although you may argue that it is human nature to worry, you do not have to live in this state either. A good news to share is that you can do something about it.

An untrained mind tends to be preoccupied with thoughts of worry and it is important to realize that you can train it for more positivity. If you want the Law of Attraction to work in your favor, then you have to control what is going on inside your mind.

When you dwell too much on worry, you are in fact not confident that The Universe will give you what you want. You suspect that you may not get all that you seek. Worry is a negative thought. The Universe “hears” what you are saying. You put yourself in the position of attracting negative energy. This is the Law Of Attraction. You have to be aware that your thoughts can be brought into physical reality and come to past.

Hence, spend time training your mind to focus on the positive. Better yet, when it is focused on being in the present, it will invariably be blissful.

The secret of happy and successful living lies in doing what can be done now. You cannot go back into the past to undo the things you have done; neither can you anticipate everything that may happen as conditions are always in a flux and ever changing. This reminds me of a saying that I came to know when I started work at Citibank some years ago “Change is always constant”.

Kalidasa, a great Indian poet and playwright, wrote the following lines in Sanskrit on the truth of living in the present…

For yesterday is but a dream;
And tomorrow only a vision;
But today, well-lived, makes every yesterday
A dream of happiness,
And every tomorrow
A vision of hope and joy.
Look well then to this day.

You only have control over the time that is “in the present”. You have the power to build something today, as yesterday is past and tomorrow is dependent on what you do now. The ability to change your future lies in “what is” and can be exercised this current moment.

Additionally, when your mind is fully in the present, can you make clear decisions that will impact tomorrow. Beyond the shadow of doubt, a mind which is present is at peace.
At peace, the mind has no space for worry.