Self-Love Story by A Reader: Tess Vergara

“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves work miracles in our lives.” – Louis Hay

louis hay quote

Today, I would like to introduce you to Tess Vergara, a reader to this site. She bought my Self-Love Secrets: How to Love Yourself Unconditionally some time ago. Here are some of the things she wrote in various comments and emails…..

“I was actually looking at it today and smiling at the notes I made along the margin. Thank God that difficult part of my life is over and life is good again.”

“Thanks Evelyn! You are my baby step to my quest for peace and happiness. I just want to thank you for the inspiration, guidance and knowledge you have given me in the past year or so. You kept my wheels turning, tha’ts for sure! Thanks for being in my life at just the right time. More power to you!”

Since then, Tess is also inspired to share her self-love story with others. (Amazing!! I just love the power of the internet with sharing positive messages!) Tess has given me the permission to republish it…

“Hi Evelyn, I don’t have a blog page, but if you like this, I would be so honored to be published on your blog. Again, thank you for your inspiration. You introduced self love to me when I was feeling confused and unloved.”

Self-Care, Self-Worth, Self-Love
Republished from Tess Vergara’s Facebook Page: Silence the Mind, Free the Heart

I can’t remember the exact time when I decided that my own needs were not important.

Was it when my ex-husband challenged me? That I would never be a good mom?

Or was it my own unmet needs as a child that made sure I sacrificed everything just to give my kids what I never had?

I have no regrets.

The 15 years I was a single mom pushed me beyond my limits to care and provide for my 2 beautiful girls. I learned and tested new strengths and skills and developed an unwavering determination that defines me. I love and thrive being a mom. I am just confuddled how over time my role as my kids’ sole caretaker became the measure of my self-worth. I guess it was not difficult to sacrifice myself, after all there’s this voice in my head that says it is selfish to think of myself first when I have 2 young kids to raise. I was rigid and unforgiving when it came to my fulfilling my responsibilities as a Mom.

It took a ski accident in December 2009 for me to slow down and start taking care of me. Even then, even when I knew I was doing the right thing, I was a ball of confusion, guilt and anxiety. I was both my advocate and worst critic. I would go out and have fun and then come home and beat myself up with guilt and shame.

Why was that?

Was that the exhaustion talking?

Or some deep conditioning pointing finger at me calling me SELFISH and irresponsible?

I found myself encouraging many women to take care of themselves. Yet, I would regress when I felt I was being judged by others. I so wanted and needed others to say, you ought to take care of yourself too. It seemed all I heard were criticism… some voices were real… some were my own… And hard as I try to drown those voices, sadness loomed over… I just needed appreciation so badly.

I realize after months of self-examination that the very source of my sadness is my own devalued sense of worth. I found my purpose when I became a mom, and when they started showing independence, which is great, I was faced with a major identity crisis. I was lost and felt I had no purpose. Alone, I carried all the weight on my shoulder, hardly complaining and sharing. Just suck it up and toughen up.

Another deep conditioning I am working on. I need to stop assuming people don’t care coz if they did, they SHOULD have already known I needed help. I am correcting that and gaining confidence each day in learning to actually speak up and communicate my wants, needs and expectations. Things are much better now but I needed a major overhaul. I got tired of being strong all the time. I am finding that years and years of self-neglect became habitual and now difficult to break. It is taking all my willpower to once again develop healthy habits, one thought at a time.

All of my life’s decisions and choices were conscious and deliberate, and I take ownership and pride in all of them. Let me take it back, I do have one regret. I do regret putting my own needs aside. And by doing so, it sent constant and consistent messages to my subconscious that I don’t matter. I really wish somebody sat me down and said you need to take care better care of yourself.

I know. You’re right. I can be belligerent when being told. It’s very liberating tho… to finally see where I made the mistake. I don’t miss the resentment, heartache and anger that used to constrict my breathing. Self-care is NOT SELFISH. The feeling of being responsible all the time is exhausting and depleting that left me feeling resentful, sad, unappreciated, unloved… I LOVE feeling nourished and alive and vibrant… There is nothing like it.

And even though part of me regrets not taking care of myself better, I accept myself wholly, fully and unconditionally. I forgive myself and will strive to put myself first, now and always, and will continue to actively advocate for other women to do the same.


My thoughts: I enjoyed reading Tess’s story. I can totally relate to how easy it is to neglect our own needs, when we start having children. I was “guilty” of the same as well. Although I still put the needs of my children as high up in my priority, I now make it a point to love and care for my own too. (Read my 25 self-love tips for stressed out mothers!)

It is because of my own journey and being able to see the missing pieces, that I have blessed to appreciate and know the meaning of self-love. I have since been inspired to bring greater awareness to everyone around. And so, I am always very happy when readers like Tess Vergara, write to me about their experiences after realizing what their core issue is. After all, Self-Love Secrets was written at the point when I have received 1,000 of such emails over two years ago.

Thank you, Tess, for giving me the permission to share your story here. Thank you for being inspired to now become a love luminary for others too πŸ™‚ You have certainly inspired me further to continue with this work!

Do you have a self-love story to share on this blog yourself? Write to me at abundancetapestry [at] I will be thrilled to hear from you πŸ™‚

Love and abundance always,

evelyn lim signature

Life Coach. Energy Healing Practitioner.

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Joan Harrison - April 18, 2013 Reply

I can so relate to your story Tess, I had to learn how to be selfish and to understand that it did not impact upon others if I did. A book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More really helped me to look at myself and my needs and gave me liberation!
Awareness around our thinking is so important for a healthy life and you certainly are proving your growing awareness of yourself. Great post thanks and thank you Evelyn!


Tess Reply:

Freedom tastes so wonderfully good! Thanks, Joan.


Evelyn Reply:

It sure does!

Love and blessings,
Evelyn xo


Evelyn Reply:

Hi Joan,

I have heard of the book but have not got the chance to read it. Thank you for mentioning it here. I will go look it up!!

Yay to self-love and self-care!

Love and blessings,


blonde - April 19, 2013 Reply

I really wish I could love myself. What you say makes sense. I can’r and I don’t know why.


Tess Reply:

There comes a time we say ENOUGH! You will know when you are ready. Just know you are never alone in this journey. God bless.


Galen Pearl - April 21, 2013 Reply

What an inspiring story of transformation. And yes, I think that mothers have a particularly difficult time with this. I am a single mom, too. My kids are grown now, but I know that it took me many years, and really until I was crumbling in exhaustion, to begin to change my life and take care of myself first so that I could take care of others. Thank you for sharing this story.


Evelyn Reply:

Hello Galen,

I have had no idea that you are a single mom too. As it is, your journey looks already pretty amazing! I’m glad to know that you have taken the time for self-care.

Thank you for being the love and light that you are,


Steve - April 21, 2013 Reply

What a great story. It definitely shows how you can neglect your own needs. That’s something I’ve done in the past too. I’ve been too negative about the small things.

It can be really damaging to have a devalued sense of worth. That can certainly be hard to get over.


Evelyn Reply:

Hello Steve,

I am beginning to think that it is some rite of passage on self-neglect that we need to go through in order to realize that we need to take care of ourselves. Thanks for sharing your story too πŸ™‚

Love and blessings,


Birgit - December 19, 2015 Reply

//However, should we innidas/tamilians choose DMK and PMK, because Captain does the same mistake?//? ??? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ?? , ??? ??? ? ? ?? ? ??? , ? ? ? ? ??? ?? ?? ? ? ??? ?? ? ? ??? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ??? ? ? ? ??? ? ??? ?? ?? ??? ? ??? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ? .//If these parties are genuinely concerned about the poor, why can’t they give a plan for next five years to uplift their life?Maybe they don’t want to?//?? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ??? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ??? ? ? ? ? ? //Let me ask you and other commentators, if DMK and PMK win this elections, does it necessarily mean a victory for Indians? I am afraid not.They might very well win the elections, but I guess, we collectively as Indians have lost.//?? ? , ??? ? ?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ?? //? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ?? ? ?? ? , ?? ? ? ? ?? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ??? ? ? , ? ??? ? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? self control ?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ?? //


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