Lose Yourself To Find Yourself

This is the first time I came across the concept of “Form Identity” interesting… I never viewed it like that.
I guess most of our limited beliefs and our personality has a huge influence on this.

This is awesome, Evelyn. It looks like your own consciousness is evolving by leaps and bounds to a whole ‘nother level, and your blog is reflecting this change to you.

Namaste, my love. 🙂

Ariel

Another brilliant post. I’m off to write down all of my hangups (and fears) related to finding my new home. I can’t wait to let them go one by one.

Think the biggest step to take is to actually acknowledge the masks and to have the desire to eradicate them. I find that people often associate the true, emotional and loving self as ‘weak and vulnerable’ and often attach material possessions and a tough outer mask to their self-worth.

Generally, earth signs like Capricorns gain emotional security through material possessions and being ‘detached (un-emotional rather than non-reactive)’. So I personally feel it is really quite a big deal for an ex-banker like you to actually have the courage to embark on your self-discovery journey! 🙂 I could imagine all the pain and old belief systems you had to get through. Not to mention the judgement from your social circles.

I did not really have issues with masks I put on for myself because somehow it was in my nature to actually want to be real, but I had plenty of issues with masks people tried to put on for me. Struggled for most of my life when people decided that I should be a certain manner when all I wanted to be was to be true. Even to this day I would feel that I tend to be too real for most people’s comfort and it can be difficult when I am seemingly developing an intolerance to people’s masks (though I try to repeat ‘thou shall not judge’ ;p).

It is really wonderful for you to be so open about your own experiences and share them with people for the greater good. 🙂

i had to smile at the hang ups. i kind of think that’s what makes me, me. if i let go of them, i wouldn’t be me. my hangups are unique to me and i like them. things need not be perfect or organized all the time and i have relaxed my standards a little bit.

What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints?

when i was feeling down a few weeks ago a friend of mine said what i have to be down about, what do i really have to complain about. she said a ground of friends of mine stood in a circle and put all of our problems in the middle, that i would take mine back. my problems are nothing in comparison to what others are going through – especially those with health problems. i try to remember that when i even think about complaining. my problems are not bad at all, so chin up, Valerie.

Hi Evelyn,

Beautiful post and good for you for all that you have accomplished!

For most of my life, I had no idea who I was. I spent most of my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. However, many years ago, I realized that the time had come to put an end to it. I think if we still our minds enough, we can get an idea of who we are by what our heart tells us. I found that many times I would look at magazines and just identify with certain images. When I began to ask myself who was I and what did I think and feel about life; I then realized that what I truly felt was a reflection of those pictures. All the answers are within us, we just have to listen. Easier said than done but at least it can be done! 🙂

Thanks for this very interesting post! I had no idea what form identity was before I read this and I feel enlightened already. I completely agree that we often need to lose ourselves to find ourselves.

What a challenge it is to let go of our egos. Often times, this is the one thing that holds us back from success and happiness. As you say, being conscious of our surroundings while at the same time practicing stillness allows us to attain a sense of peace that most are unaware of.

Tolle is the master of preaching this message and this post does a great job of clarifying and supporting this message. Bravo!

Wonderful post, you really seem to be on a roll lately:-) My own spiritual proclivities have also always been very Zen/Vedanta/Eckhart Tolle-like, so this process of shedding ego-identifications is the core of my own spiritual journey. Meditation has been a big part of this for me, as I think it provides moments where we can feel a level of ourselves that is not tied to these identifications. And I agree that it’s important to view this form-shedding as an ongoing journey that never ends, because the ego is tricky and always finding new forms to identify with. In terms of that, at this point in my life I especially resonated with the part of your post about spiritual seekers/teachers getting trapped in certain identities. I now view teaching meditation as a central part of my own growth and path, and watching out for the ways my ego wants to identify with that role in an unhealthy way is a central theme of my own practice now. I don’t know if you have ever read Chogyam Trungpa’s Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism (I seem to be touting this book everywhere lately), but it is all about ways that the ego can try to ‘take over’ the spiritual process, and has been very valuable to me lately. Thanks!

Great Aritcle Evelyn! This is a wonderful quote “Without losing my ego-attachments some time back, I would not be experiencing the peace, joy and light that I am today.”

Thanks for sharing

Not judging others can be a very positive thing for our own self confidence. I’ve always been around highly critical people, and the result wasn’t just that I was critical of others (more internally than I express), but I was also super critical of myself, assuming that others judged me the same way I and others I knew judged them.

~ Kristi

I’m a fan of questions and what-ifs are some of my favorites.

What if I’m the thinker of my thoughts?

My hangups are based on fear. Since I am not too familiar with the area I question what if I choose the wrong school district, will my son like the school, will my neighbors by friendly, will my house have hidden problems, etc. I’m learning to let go of all of those fears.

Oh dear. I have a lot to work on as far as “Form Identity” goes. Thanks, Evelyn. This has been an eye-opener.

Hi Evelyn – the way I approach these issues is to focus as much as I can on following my intuition as much as I can at all times. The idea being that the intuition comes from our higher or real self, while our “good ideas” and fears come from the ego. Then what we do comes into alignment with who we are, and we can stop identifying with externals.

I think the ego is a useful part of our personality – but it’s not good if the ego is in charge!

“The truly enlightened never declare themselves to be enlightened, preach that their way is the only way or that they are the only ones channeling God.” Or as I saw stated elsewhere, that they are the only Akashic Record reader when a simple Google search would reveal otherwise.

The more I read, the more I feel I’m out of it. This is one area where I seem to be behind everyone else. I don’t like the idea of being formless consciousness because it’s so much fun working with forms, colors, structures, plants and animals. It also seems to be so abstract that I can hardly imagine it. I’m puzzled lately by the fact that I’m so very curious about all of these things, yet I dont’ seem to be able to move forward on them. I’m too afraid and I can’t seem to have faith in the processes.

Hi Evelyn: I also think that people’s egos feed off of each other. That is, people who engage in the behavior that you describe–taking things personally, drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, judging others, and so on–tend to attract this same behavior from others. I sometimes feel very uncomfortable at my gym because a lot of the women who go there exhibit this type of behavior, and I feel myself responding to them in kind. This week I’ve been more aware of how my ego responds to them and although their behavior has not changed at all I was much more relaxed at the gym all week.

Hi Evelyn. I’m learning a lot through my life experience these days. The biggest learning is that while I have encountered a lot of “failures”, they do not define me. I am not a failure. These are just learning, and practicing and experiencing myself from different perspectives. I’ve realized how much of my life has allowed circumstances to define me when it “should” be the other way around. The biggest challenge is to be in a frightening situation or a challenging situation and not be OF it, just observe it.

There is so much I can take away from this post, it is truly inspiring and reminds me I have much room to grow as a person. I especially can relate to these great tips:

Seeking attention to your problems without regard for others.
– Being melodramatic.
– Emphasizing external appearances of good looks, status, physical strength, qualifications.
– Taking things personally.
– Drawing unnecessary attention to yourself.
– Judging others.
– Frustrated that others are wrong (and that you are right).
– Appearing more important than others.

At times, I hate to admit, I need to work on not doing all of the above.
Thanks again…

peace,
mike
livelife365

Thank you for this acellent post!

It reminds me of The Real You

The simple answer to the question:
What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints?

is here:Nick

Keep blogging!

Thanks Evelyn! I enjoyed this post!

I agree.. the ego is probably the most subtle mask around although we tend not to identify that our ego is not us but just a “transient” mask.

I look forward to your posts! 🙂

Evelyn this is such a beautiful and powerful series!

I think my transformation of this nature came a lot through the help of the “A New Earth” book by Eckhart Tolle. It just all made so much sense, the ego, the pain body, the form identification…

For me it was not that that book changed me, but it reinforced and helped me understand what I was living. I understood where my present peace came from and where my past distress came from. I understood more about others too in letting them be who they are and not judging as Kristi above said, for many around us are tied to many forms and false identities.

So what did it for me? I guess I was just sick and tired of being on the roller coaster of life in the B.C. age (before consciousness) 🙂
There were always those ups and downs of extreme happiness and extreme sadness, until I let consciousness in, started to own my thoughts, own the present moment and realize that I am nothing more at any moment than the “I am”. I don’t need to identify with any thought, event, emotion or thing – they were not me and I was not them. And I have to say it has been a very smooth ride since then.

“You never found any reasons to examine them until now.” One of my professors said that we never really change until the change we need to make is less painful than staying where we are….
I am needing to learn to mask my own feelings and to block absorption of others feelings – I am learning from a medical intuitive that I sponge up other people’s feelings and then attempt to take care of them for them….I have done this all of my life and with people in so much confusion and pain right now my emotions bucket is overflowing. I am letting go one day at a time….The pain is so great I must make the change – now at 60 I must learn how not to do this.
Very interesting post…as the young boy in the Highest Tide book said: “God is asking us to see – to be aware”

hi I read something somewhere that (I guess my ego is telling may sound airy fairy but seems to help) that we should try and ask our self if what we do or what we think is out of fear and not love.

Hi Evelyn

Great post and such an important part of the path. I completely agree with your point that some spiritual seekers end up giving up one ego based form identity for another.

The most painful form identity I continue to let go of is the identity of my parents. This was the one which left me feeling lost for a while. Lost but incredibly free!

In peace and prosperity

Lola

[…] Lose Yourself to Find Yourself | Evelyn Lim […]

8 yrs ago. This was exactly what I thought. But to my horror, I discovered the ego is more than that.
One of your commentors stated that egos feed off each other. She’s right.
The ego isn’t just the form identity.
Yeah you’re right. It certainly is but it’s more than that much more.
I weakened my ego thinking that growth would ensue. but all i did was fracture my psyche.

The ego is a shield.
It defends you from the egos of others. The vast majority of people you deal with a are immature, and will unconscious steal ‘energy’ from you.
You also defend yourself form your own shadow, animus and external entities of a more shall we say, ‘ethereal’ nature.
Even a false belief in yourself or sheer disbelief in the existence of something weakens it, if you’re pig-headed enough.

The ego serves to focus will. Some of the egoistic people may demonstrate all the symptoms you mentioned as form-identity but its precisely that which allows them to accomplish incredible things. Sure their vision is short-sighted, selfish even but some of their actions can lead to greater good both intentionally and unintentionally.

A weakened ego, will only lead to depression.
I do not disagree that there MUST be transformation from an unaware ego state to a true self state and a transcendent state beyond but there is significant risk and truth in that you can stay lost if you lose yourself.

Evelyn Reply:
October 13th, 2010 at 10:54 am

Hello Hawk,

Thank you for your comments and sharing your experience. The post was written more than a year ago and since then, I have developed greater insights. For a start, I would like to believe that we are evaluating things based on what has happened for us.

I see the ego is a learning tool. I don’t necessarily “defend” myself from my ego. If you have read one of my newer posts, you would realize that I have recently chosen to face my shadow.

I can relate to what you said “Sure their vision is short-sighted, selfish even but some of their actions can lead to greater good both intentionally and unintentionally”. Still, it does not take away the fact that the ego is involved. There is the risk of spiritual ego, for instance, for those who call themselves “lightworkers”.

The idea is not to get rid of the ego but to use it well. We allow ourselves to be led by our higher selves rather than let our egos. It is true that the ego can help to defend, shield and protect ourselves. We acknowledge its help but also understand that there may come a time, when it no longer serves us in the situation where it is in control.

I have an idea of what you mean by “fracture my ego” and the possibility of staying lost after losing yourself. I don’t disagree. Based on my personal experiences, I would also recommend that anyone who decides to delve into the psyche be skilled enough or have proper guidance.

Your comments have been extremely helpful for me. If you would like to discuss this further, do email to me directly.

Take care,
Evelyn