The Masquerade Play Of Life

Dear Evelyn,
This a a core step of moving towards optimal health, essentially spiritual. I can keep myself physically healthy but to be wholesome and cope with negative emotions on a daily basis I have to unmask myself form all my defense mechanisms that may have become second nature to me. Sure I am using them as a facade to protect myself and to look good on the exterior.
I am practicing the 12 step program where the 4th and 7th step entails that I with rigorous honesty look at my strengths and weaknesses and own them up myself or the a trusted friend. Well there are other tools in it such as the serenity prayer and a higher power. Gradually if i worked on it, it will work. It is rather courageous to unmask which may test ones humility. I am not consistent when metaphorically trying to peel away the layers of an union to get to the deepest part of it which of course will require you or a trusted person and the higher power’s support. I dont write frequently but as i am doing this i do feel that my unmasking has created unhappiness. I need a start where the healing process has a chamce to begin…
Thanks

As far as wearing masks in social situations, in “A New Earth” Eckhart Tolle explains how people adopt a new “self” based upon their perceptions of what they think other people might be thinking. In other words, there are subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) differences in how we act towards different people: how we act towards our next door neighbor is not the same as how we act towards our best friend, etc. There are different degrees of this. Sometimes people try so hard to fit in that they come off as awkward or fake. (Of course, Tolle is not the first to come up with this concept…I just happen to be listening to his audio CD right now.) 🙂

I know for myself, especially as someone who grew up with Social Anxiety Disorder, the solution is to realize that we are all one. As spiritual beings, we are on the same level and there is no such thing as someone being “higher” or “lesser” than anyone else. It helps to remember that we are all from the same source and that we share this in our core being. This eliminates the need to be anything other than our true self.

Hi Evelyn,

Wonderful post! There was a time in my life when I was very unhappy and had no idea who I was and what I wanted. At that time in my life, I used to feel like I had to put an act in order to make it through my day. It was draining and not fun at all.

Now that my life is so different because I know who I am and I am happy, there is no pressure to put on an act. I feel free to be me without worries. I think we put on masks out of insecurity and a desire to appear perfect. However, in reality, none of us are perfect!

Evelyn,

I love the Jim Morrison quote: The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. When I was younger, I found I would always try to appear cool and in control. I think age helps in self-acceptance, simply because the older I grow, the less I care what others think, and so have less need to put on a mask. Very insightful post.

Hmmm…the Law of Attraction must be at work here…

Your post is a theme that seems to be showing up a lot lately in my life. Your post, other blog posts, and in a blog interview over the weekend! Maybe my blog is making me more consciously aware the importance of finding my inner passion as well as the importance of pursuing it, despite what others may think. I don’t think I wear a lot of masks, but they are there, covering up and protecting my vulnerable parts. I’m working on dropping them a little, bit by bit.

Awesome post! This is one of my favorite “subjects” (for lack of a better word). I’m more on the end of quite a few years work on myself regarding this. Everything you wrote is so true. I remember a lot of grieving in the first few phases of stripping that mask…it was so strange feeling lost and lonely, when I thought I should be jumping for joy for jumping into the process. I remember a mentor telling me it would be okay, because I was grieving losing parts of a “defined self” that I had lived with for so many years, and even though these aspects were not really helping me at all. In my field of work we call it the “shadow self”, and it can feel like a best friend, because it is also a defence and protection from “feeling vulnerable” in times of trouble.

Anyhow…NOW, the problems I’ve been encountering lately are a bit different, and that is the reactions of others around me adorned their personal masks, as I spontaneously feel and act on bouts of joy, happiness inside, and compassion……..there are many that feel it must be fake, because who ever really feels THAT happy? hahaha…Well, I do! Then they try to clutch and hold me back in the realm of mainstream, and there are so many ways in which it can be attempted. So, I hold back at certain times so as not to disrupt those around me too much….yet, that doesn’t always feel too good either. Could you write about this aspect of it as well with some advice or help? as a continuation of this post?

Thank you for a neat post!

Tenshi Reply:
September 7th, 2010 at 12:27 pm

That seems to be the trouble, the moment other people brings their masks of perceptions, ideals, beliefs, and judgments to your newly blossoming Awareness, it can empower your own Shadow Self to re-emerge to protect and defend. Thus, you find your Authentic Consciousness slipping back behind a new mask. The mask of, “I’m a Spiritual Seeker of Truth, but how do I deal with all these other people?!?” The only remedy is, continue to stay Aware and Present, and a good sense of humor. Isn’t it silly that all these masks and illusions around you believe that they are real? It’s hilarious!! Live, Laugh, Love. =)

All the best,
Tenshi

this was a great post because i think on some level we all wear masks they help us make it through the day. i sometimes smile when i don’t feel like it.

like the above commenter said, if i do wear a mask, i view it as a protection – it keeps people out. i’m in defense mode i guess. i don’t want to bear my soul to the world.

no matter what mask we put on – or choose not to put on- i don’t think we can ever hide from ourselves. for some reason, i think we know when we are not be true to ourselves.

Hi Evelyn. I enjoyed this post. As an entrepreneur I am challenged with wearing the “appropriate” mask. If I am having a bad day, it is important to put that aside when working with a coaching client. It’s about self-management and clearing the way to be present with them. However, I wear masks at other times too. It’s a subconscious way to protect that vulnerability. What is interesting is I imagine that whatever type of mask we are wearing, we attract those type of people wearing similar masks and we do the “dance” together.

I think the general pattern is people tend to try to fit in to feel connected.

I think the success pattern is to find your fit and be consistent with your values.

Hi Evelyn!

Do you agree that you are in some kind of a “stage play” in your physical human role?

Oh, for sure. In fact, I think everyone wears some kind of masks, sometimes, and I don’t think they’re all bad. For example, I think it is often worthwhile to refrain from revealing your negative mood to others, because it will probably only make both of you feel worse. It’s a mask, but it serves a positive purpose.

What empowering messages have you come to know by the losing of your mask, if any?

I used to really hate my fears, and try to get rid of them because I thought they were worthless. But now I recognize them as powerful hints about what I value, and what specifically I fear about being myself. Sometimes just identifying a fear can dissolve it, and allow you to be more upfront. I wear fewer masks these days, but I can’t pretend I don’t have any.

Thanks for this post Evelyn. I have found thinking about the question of “what do I want to make sure people don’t know about me?” to offer me a lot of useful knowledge. Until I gave that question some serious thought (I realized I didn’t want people to see me as powerless) I wasn’t consciously aware of the answer. And with that realization I was able to drop some of the behaviors I was using to look perfect to people, like I was accomplishing so much and had no problems, that were actually hurting my ability to connect with people.

Evelyn, wonderful post. I love the metaphor of masks for the different roles we play, that our egos are built on. I think some of the roles I was personally trapped in, particularly when I was younger, was that of the ‘good girl’ and ‘the achiever’, which kept me working for others approval and external status. My own spiritual journey has helped me break through those masks, and other subtler ones, and the process continues. Now I see there are many ‘roles’ I play – mom, writer, wife, friend, PTO member, etc. – but I don’t see any of them as who I am, and I try to express who I really am authentically through those roles, which of course is easier said than done! But thanks again for a very thought-provoking post.

I do wear a mask, like most. I remove it only when surrounded by the people I trust – my husband, my parents, my children and a handful of close friends. I don’t think I’ll ever feel comfortable removing my mask in front of others.

Hi Evelyn, Did you and Akemi get your Akashic Record training from the same person? You are the only two people I have ever heard use the expression “facade device.” At any rate, this p0st is interesting. In the business world, at least the one I’m in, a mask is essential. You are expected to be cheerful and calm, not whatever you really feel.

In private life, removing the mask is more difficult for some than for others. For instance, discussing my childhood physical and emotional abuse with two of my closest friends turned out to be an alienating experience because neither of them really believed me. I think there has to be a lot of thought put into what to reveal and to whom.

Evelyn,

This was a great post! Ego can be such a powerful force that is very hard to overcome. I love how you said “your basic fear is that you are not enough…your ego loves masterpieces.” That is so true.

I’ve worked hard on being “myself” in all aspects of my life, but I do find it quite difficult not to feel as if I need to be different in the various settings of my life. I think this is an area that takes serious work and determination to find peace – the societal message consistently tells us that the ego is of the utmost importance.

What a fatastic metaphor. The photos are wonderful. Being the middle of 1o kids growing up it came naturally to be myself. If I wore a mask I would have never been noticed. I was a troubled kid who lived out loud from the get go.

As I grew older I discovered it was too much for many people. And my energy was flying in too many directions at once.

In my 30’s I began learning how to reign in my big energy to be more effective. Like Daphne says I think it’s easier and easier the older one gets.

Now that’s an insight, there is something good about getting older. LOL

This is a great post. I’ve never thought about wearing a mask before, but we all do it in some way or another. I love the quote “He who wears a mask cannot see within himself.” When you think about it, that is SO true.

Thanks for making me think about such an interesting topic. My mind feels very stimulated right now!

Sometimes masks are imposed on us. You are a teacher, a priest, a doctor, people expect you to behave in certain ways. At least around, here in Spain it is so. If you don’t act according to their expectations then they will pay you “pay” somehow. No, they aren’t going to throw you into a river, but you’ll notice they don’t like that.

And then you get the mask and as you get used to it, you feel it comfortable.

I think that, while we may be able to pull off wearing masks for our employers and casual acquaintances, it is necessary to remove those masks with those we spend our time with the most, particularly in love. Ultimately, if someone says they love us, then they should accept and love us even more when we let down our guard and show our true selves underneath the mask.

~ Kristi

Hi Evelyn: Ah yes, I saw your reference to Tolle’s background unhappiness. I think most people have put so much time and effort into the masks they’ve created for themselves that they’ve completely lost touch with who they really are. And so much time and energy has to be poured into keeping up the false pretense. I read a quote by Carlos Castañeda once that said that if people just stopped pretending to be things they’re not they would discover an enormous reserve of energy.

Evelyn,
I am working on soul cleansing right now…I noticed that after the death of my mother, I had to work on my life differently and change masks to cope. It was a time of many mask changes in order to search for the self in this new definition.
My friend just lost his wife after a long illness, to keep his family fed he must get up everyday and put on his mask and work. This is good in many ways, but then the drinking mask comes on at night…
People sometime don’t know they control the masks that they wear…
or how to adjust them…many people do not wish to know
Very good post and lovely picture choices…Bravo!

“Masks are really the work of the ego” – so true!

I like your writing… found you through Kikolani’s website btw. I’m adding you to my RSS feed! 🙂
-Eric

Your writing is simply beautiful today Evelyn. I hope no one mistakes my appearance as being perfect, together, and sane. I hope there are holes in my mask(s) that let light in and let my light shine out. I hope I am “found out”. Sure, being found out is scary, but it is when I feel fully alive.

What a great article, Evelyn – and what great images!

Personally, I think I have gone through a process of learning to wear masks to cope with being in the world, then dropping them in an attempt to be more authentic, to learning to wear then selectively when needing to deal with certain people. And today I work towards having little to do with anyone I might need to put that mask on for e.g. I don’t have an employer I need to please, or if I did, it wouldn’t be someone who I couldn’t be authentic with.

I guess the important thing is to be aware that we are not the mask we wear.

I agree that working with the here and now is more important to most people than theorizing about 2012. I like the term mask far more than facade device. We would say facade, but not facade device. In my reading that I blogged about, I was told that my soul was wearing masks, and that they’ve been removed. However, I also wear masks. I not only wear a mask that tries to convince the world that everything’s fine, but at times I also wear a mask of the poor victim who has been through so much. I have a little knowledge of what is behind those masks, but not enough.

[…] Attraction Mind Map features a very insightful post entitled “The Masquerade Play of Life“, regarding the masks we wear as we go about our everyday lives and when and how to removed […]

While I was reading this post, I kept thinking about a Twilight Zone episode I saw years ago. In it the main characters were all forced to wear hideous masks (I think in order to receive some part of a dead man’s inheritance?). All of the characters were loathe to take on their masks at first but also greedy enough to give in. At the end of the episode, they are finally allowed to remove their masks and, as each one peels it off, the face that greets him in the mirror is identical to the grotesque mask he wore.

I agree that the masks we wear frequently hide our true selves and can become a barrier behind which we hide. But what of this idea that the mask we wear may also shape who we are over time?

I wonder, Is it wrong that I put on a smile today even though I’m feeling really blue? Won’t wearing this smile potentially help “turn my frown upside down”? Where is the happy medium?

Thank you for sharing this post. It definitely got me thinking. Any thoughts?

This is a very thought provoking post Evelyn and I love how you communicated it so simply.
I’m not sure if this is a mask in the way that you speak of but I know I am more reserved with people I have just met. I am not “myself” until I tend to know them a little better. I assume it has to do with acceptance as opposed to rejection, or to not put people off by being too “me” I believe this was a big contributing factor in my social anxiety years ago.
I write this and it sounds silly to not be me all the time!
I know it will take more awareness in the moment to drop the mask. I also laugh at myself more. Not taking myself so seriously helps me to loosen up and be myself.
Thanks for this article, I’ll be watching for my masks more closely!

[…] ? The Masquerade Play of  Life […]

Been doing some work with masks and there metaphors and found this article enriching. Discovering what they are and what they mean to me. I feel as if I have just started my journey to noticing the underlying patterns that we make and what occurs during the process of wearing the mask.
I look forward to taking off the mask and learning when to keep it on!

Hi Evelyn and others,

This post was helpful to me, so I think that I owe it to the community to respond. I feel like not responding would be a kind of protective mask of myself, because when I receive something positive I feel like I owe something in return.

It’s difficult to respond, though, because of the particular mask that this post has made me realize that I’ve been wearing. I’ll get to what this particular mask is in a moment, but I have something to add to this. I notice now that it’s difficult for me to reveal these details, and I think that this is an okay thing: but it’s something that I would normally mask in some way. There’s no need to mask it. It’s okay to merely say that I’m not comfortable sharing all of these details with, in this instance, an Internet community. Instead of masking it somehow, it’s okay to instead just say that I’m uncomfortable sharing these things: so to add to your post, I’d say that being selective with whom we trust with our true selves is not necessarily a mask. Yet if we’re not comfortable enough with who we are to share these things, it is instead a confession of insecurity.

Needless to say, I’m willing to confess to that insecurity. It’s something I’m working on and doing a fine job confronting.

To return to my initial paragraph and the main discussion of this post, I’ll tell you that this post helped me to realize that I mask my sexual insecurity. Instead of being honest in situations in which sexuality comes up, I hide behind sexual jokes and a mask of masculinity. Although I have some masculine tendencies, I’m not a very masculine guy, yet I hide behind this mask. I begin to wonder to what extent this mask has hidden from me who I really am.

I don’t feel that it’s helpful to the discussion to go into these details, but wanted to share my example of a particular mask that I’ve found in hopes that it would be helpful to others in looking for their masks. I found this particular mask by looking at my friends and with whom I most feel like myself. I realized that I’m more honest with a particular friend than anyone else, looked at the ways I’m dishonest with him, and found this masculine facade.

Obviously I need to look at it and my impulses more carefully: finding this mask is the easy part. Breaking this mask down is the hard part. But I thought I would share my discovery and thank you all for your writing. Evelyn, your initial post was very helpful, but your comments below as well as those of all contributors helped as well. Thanks, everyone, for sharing.

-Charlie

Evelyn Reply:
December 7th, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Hello Charlie,

Thank you for sharing about your thoughts. I would like to think that we all have our insecurities. I certainly have my own. We also have varying degrees of comfort with different groups of people. And even if we should decide to unveil our true selves, we can do it gradually and up to our own comfort levels.

You are wise in your insight: “finding this mask is the easy part. Breaking this mask down is the hard part.” I applaud you in your efforts towards greater authenticity. What we need to start with is self acceptance. With acceptance and forgiveness can we truly own ourselves.

All the best to your journey,
Evelyn