5 Life Areas of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is an unconscious subversion, disruption or obstruction to hinder your own cause or endeavour. You consciously have a desired outcome but you work against yourself unconsciously. And hence, you have been putting obstacles in your own path to success.
“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
– Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Through words, actions or behaviour, you make things worse instead of better. Instead of becoming the best you can be or having the best that you can have, you eventually find yourself having to settle for less. It is certainly not desirable if you are hoping to live life fully.
According to some sources, the word Sabotage comes the Industrial Revolution in France. Disgruntled workers threw their wooden shoes or clogs (known in French as sabots, hence the term sabotage) at the looming machinery, thereby disrupting the production process. What was ironical was that while choosing to express their dissatisfaction with their work conditions, they had also foiled any job prospects.
If you are engaged in sabotage, you are known as a saboteur. Many of us have experienced self-sabotage at one or another. I have experienced many instances of self-sabotage in my life. More recently, I have been observing how clients, friends and even celebrities prevent themselves from achieving the success and wellness they would like to have due to their self-sabotaging behaviors.
5 Life Areas of Self-Sabotage
Relationship. Tricia used to be involved in relationships that are abusive. She would be attracted to guys who would ill-treat her. They did not always start out that way, mind you. But even after she found out about their abusive tendencies, she would give plenty of excuses. “This one is different”, “he has promised to change”, and “maybe it is me”, she would declare. It was only when she was able to step aside that she could see the similar pattern. And usually by the time she was able to gain the bigger picture, she would have already spent months crying, agonizing and fretting before she had the guts to call the relationship quits.
Family. Lucy’s father had abandoned the family when she was young. Lucy swore that she would not want to have a broken family of her own. However, things turned out a lot harder in setting up a home than she had initially thought. Because she had unresolved childhood issues, she would continually project her fears. Lucy almost ruined her own married life due to the perceived mistrust of her husband. Her children were also traumatized by her self-sabotaging behavior.
Health. Taking drugs, alcohol or any form of addictive behavior is clearly a sign of self-sabotage. The recent death of Amy Winehouse shows what self-sabotage can lead to in extreme cases. Amy Winehouse died at the young age of 27 due to problems with drug and alcohol abuse. She was a talented, Grammy-award known for her powerful deep voice and her eclectic mix of musical genres. Even Lady Gaga was one of her many fans. Winehouse’s addictive problems and self-destructive behavior were regular tabloid news until her death on 23 July 2011.
Career/Work Self-sabotage have kept Peter stuck in the ladder to success. Up till recently, Peter had been performing well. However, he came to a point when he found that he was not able to make any headway. Progress appeared limited. Dreams of ever reaching the top became more and more distant gradually. I pointed out that it was as if he was applying brakes at the same time as putting one foot on the accelerator of his car. His car had stalled. While Peter had big dreams, his beliefs on being unworthy of greater success were in the way.
Money. Samuel who had grown up in poverty wanted to become rich. He managed to achieve his dream of becoming a millionaire through setting up a business, only to lose it shortly. It was sad that he had tripped himself with his beliefs on scarcity and lack. Till today, Samuel has been unable to let go of the fact that from previously having the world at his feet, he has now got nothing to show for.
Reportedly, there are also many cases where lottery winners lose all their money after striking it rich. Despite their good fortune, they engage in self-destructive behavior that causes them to spend foolishly. Eventually, they are back at their starting points.
The Reality of Self-Sabotage
Engaging in self-sabotage is essentially “digging one’s own grave”. It means being responsible for your own downfall. You may be wondering why would you be so crazy to thwart your own progress. Surely you would not do things that would set yourself or your own dream up for demise?
What is the case is that your subconscious is the part that welds more power than your conscious mind. You may consciously declare to the whole world what your goal is but if you have a subconscious belief that you are unable to reach it, you are likely to put yourself in your own way. Actions that you can possibly take including running away, giving excuses, not showing up, making things difficult for yourself or just about anything that ensures failure. On the extreme, self-sabotage can lead to destructive behavior.
Self-sabotaging beliefs are pretty much an illusion. They are not real. They are internal conflicts that you have created for yourself. In fact, they are precisely the life lessons that you need to transcend over. You go through the same repeated life patterns until you gain enough clarity to step aside and see the bigger picture.
It is possible to keep yourself stuck for years. However, once you understand that you have been engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, you will stop blaming others for your miserable plight. You stop pointing your finger at your spouse, children, parents or even God. You learn to take personal responsibility. You overcome your own demons.
“Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness, a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life, a feeling of being trapped, of having trusted and been fooled, of being the helpless prey of impotent rage, blind surrender, the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away, enlists a man, and crowning injury inflicts upon him the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself.”
– Paul Valery
Self-sabotage can be traced to issues of feeling unlovable, unloved and unworthy. If you are hoping to learn more, check out my book Self-Love Secrets for some answers >>>
Love and Abundance Always,
Evelyn Lim
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Have you been engaged in self-sabotage? What were your fears about? Share your story in the comments below.
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Evelyn Reply:
August 10th, 2011 at 8:30 am
Hi Marc,
Oh yes, it’s largely unconscious. Reading case studies or seeing what’s happening to others can be helpful with shedding light on our own situation. It’s what I hope to do with this article. I’m glad that you agree 🙂
With love,
Evelyn
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