I’m happy to announce that my new ebook, Self-Love Practice, is finally “live” on Amazon…yayyyy!!
As I figure, it is time for an update with new insights and client stories. Although it has been at least 9 years ago since I published my first book on self-love, I’ve been suspecting that there is still a lot of people out there with no or little clue on what it means to love themselves. Much of my suspicion arose from my sessions with clients. They could have presented a problem in say, performance anxiety, relationship conflicts or having imposter syndrome. Regardless of the presenting problem, we would be led to the same place: the need to be and feel loved.
What really got to me is how timeless the message of self-love is. Thus, the idea of a new book was born about a year ago. Titled Self-Love Practice, the book is a reaffirmation and a deepening of what it means to love ourselves. It’s now available on Amazon.
Practising loving self-acceptance is not something that may come naturally. In fact, it could be a key life lesson that some of us. You may find yourself attracting various experiences that involve this important aspect of what it means to embrace yourself totally.
Many of us long to be accepted for who we are. And so, we go about seeking validation and approval from others. However, the crux is that if we cannot accept ourselves, we cannot expect others to accept us too. Without any self-acceptance, we live in constant fear of being rejected.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain
I find it great to learn from movies too. One of the movies that I watched with my children was Wreck-it Ralph show. Initially, I had found the plot rather slow moving. And so I was not paying full attention to it. But as the movie wore on, I discovered that there were valuable lessons on self-acceptance. Continue reading
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If you have an insecure attachment style, you can potentially benefit from doing some reparenting work. Insecure attachment affects those in their ability to form healthy relationships, make decisions and/or to cope emotionally. On the other hand, reparenting yourself helps you to heal your inner child, gain trust and maintain emotional stability. Thus, you enhance your ability to cultivate close relationships, boost confidence and enhance overall well-being.
Attachment styles first came from the work of John Bowlby, a psychologist. He first proposed Attachment theory in the 1950s and 1960s. Attachment theory helps us to find out more about the nurturing that was experienced during the initial years of our life and how it affects us today.
Bowlby’s view is that the bond between mother and child is most important of all. The first formative 18 months is very crucial in the child’s development. Where there is adequate nurturing, the child grows up to be a secure adult. Conversely, the absence of adequate nurturing leads to insecure attachment and the forming of invisible emotional wounds that often results in maladjustments in the emotional, social and cognitive development of the child.
As I’ve discovered, self-love is not just a practice but a mindfulness one.
This means that loving ourselves is not a mere one-time or a short-term exercise; whether we are going for a therapy session, a singing bowl meditation to heal our heart chakra or buying ourselves a branded bag so that we can feel better.
Self-love is much more than any of these.
Some of us may have the expectation that self-love can happen magically overnight. The truth is that for those of us with trouble loving and accepting themselves unconditionally, it takes consistent work. It’s certainly been my experience.
Over the years, life would throw me a new challenge again and again and due to being triggered, I’d find myself reverting to the same pattern of feeling unlovable and unloved. At first, I felt disappointed and bitter that none of the healing I did appear to have worked. It would seem that doing inner work was pointless.
Yet, upon review, I realised that my early efforts were sporadic to begin with. Eventually, after seeing how I was caught in repeated patterns, I began to realise that self-love is not going to be an overnight or a one-time healing thing. It finally occurred to me that if I am interested to have enough of a breakthrough, I need to regard self-love as being more of a practice.
A childhood wound is an emotional pain or a negative belief that a part of us internalised due to a traumatic past event or the relationship we had with our parents or caregivers when we were young.
As I have discovered, unresolved childhood wounds can adversely affect the quality of life in our adult years. Indeed, they have an impact on our personalities, beliefs, career choices, and relationships. We can also be passing on our childhood wounds to the future generations.
Our wounded child is acting up if we often find ourselves in self-sabotage, making poor choices or having over-the-top reactions to triggers. She or he is crying for attention of unhealed emotions. If we choose to ignore our wounded child, we can be stuck for years.
Felicia (not her real name) and I had worked together on releasing her fear of abandonment.
If we find ourselves getting angry, frustrated, anxious or upset easily, we may want to ask ourselves why we are triggered. Some of us would get badly triggered when we perceive that we have been abandoned or rejected even though in reality, it may not be necessarily true. However, this can hurt our relationships, work life and well-being. It was exactly what had happened to Felicia.
You may have heard about Growth Mindset, but exactly what is a Spiritual Growth Mindset?
Until recently, I associated mindset with having a rah-rah ring to it. Perhaps it is because I’ve attended a number of mindset classes whereby success coaches would use highly motivational tones for raising the energy levels in the room. “Yes, you can do it!” they would shout in a rallying voice.
The problem is that mostly, after the day of such events, I had observed that the energy spikes don’t last. They fizzle out. I would return to the same energy levels as before and not much has changed.
Still, I resonate with the idea of a growth mindset.
As an avid learner, I find myself very interested in self development. I enjoy learning, reading and upgrading myself. Instead of personal grooming, I find myself more obsessive over personal growth!
After reflecting over, I would like to propose the idea of developing a spiritual growth mindset, and not just a growth mindset. A spiritual growth mindset would be one that is more sustaining, conscious and expansive. Let me share some of my thoughts below.
Have you ever wondered what it’s like to work on clearing money blocks?
If so, I’d like to share the client notes that I have recorded down about Kay* with you. While Kay is not her real name, she is an actual person. She had first presented a situation and background, that was similar to other clients I had worked with.
Typically, when we start to work together and dig deep, we would find that much of the blocks stem from childhood. These blocks arise from memories that have been repressed for a long time. For clearing money blocks, my intent is to help clients address the root cause of their issues. As Tom Robbins, a best-selling novelist, who is often quoted says, “It is never too late to have a happy childhood.” Whatever has happened in the past, we would find that it is possible to repair their childhood wounds, turning their scars into stars that shine light!
Because the alchemy sessions are experiential, the process is an awakening of sorts. It doesn’t matter if I am conducting these sessions online or in-person. They would know that something has shifted internally; with indicative signs such as a dissolution of the sharp pain over their heart, a lifting of the heaviness in the head or a lightening of the weight on their shoulders, etc. Clients find the changes in body sensations coupled with receiving insights, as pretty much transformative!
Let’s find out what took place for Kay….
What Prompted Kay to Pursue Clearing Money Blocks
When Kay – 41-years old and mother to two young kids – first approached me, she was feeling desperate. Tears flowed down uncontrollably as she related her story. She was in a lot of emotional pain.
Kay realised that her lack of confidence and mood swings were affecting her ability to function well at work. Kay also suspected that she had huge money blocks as she often faced the pattern of having barely enough to survive even prior to marriage. She needed help to release her money blocks.
That was when I found out more of what had happened to her.
Kay was on the brink of divorce. Her asking for a divorce would have happened sooner if she had not tried to hang on for the sake of their two young kids and her worry over finances. She wanted out because she had realised that she was in a toxic relationship for a long time.
Her husband was emotionally abusive and manipulative. Over the years, while she became more interested in yoga and spirituality, he wasn’t. They had drifted apart with different interests. Their constant quarrels weighed her down.
Kay finally realised that “enough was enough” with the last argument they had. Her husband had attempted to stop her from attending meditation classes. He was against her undertaking spiritual activities that he felt was a a “waste of time” and money.
Kay desperately needed her life to change. Her situation seemed dire. Kay urgently needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet and find a more consistent source of income with financial independence. She would like to have her two kids stay with her.
Kay had to get a new home with the divorce pending. Based on her circumstances, she figured that the best she could do was to become a real estate agent. Getting out of bed to service clients on bad days was a real challenge.
Clearing Money Blocks From Childhood Issues
During the private session, Kay shared that she had felt “rejected” with the collapse of her marriage. Then again, it wasn’t a new feeling. She had been suffering from feeling lousy about herself for a long time.
When we started to work together, Kay recalled specific memories in her childhood that still bothered her today. Her parents had divorced when she was 6 years old. Their intense frequent arguments left Kay traumatised. Her mother who was aggrieved and felt bitter by the divorce, had left Kay pretty much on her own. Her 6-year old self felt alone, “unwanted”, abandoned and like a “nobody”.
Kay was in tears when she finally plucked up courage to “meet” her 6-year old. She immediately recognised her inner child who was wearing hand-me-down clothes given by her well-to-do cousins. The clothes were unfortunately too big for her small frame. She was often ridiculed in school about her dressing. Her 6-year old was looking extremely miserable.
With guidance, Kay found out that her inner child or wounded child had been holding on to hurt and pain. She also realised that her younger self had inherited the same beliefs as her mother. Her mother had the beliefs of “I am not good enough” and due to her own issues, would often reaffirm that “money is the root of all evils”.
Kay found out how the negative patterns formed quickly became a common theme in her life. She discovered why she would end up in relationships with partners who were bad for her, leaving her in debt and in dire straits. Kay also finally understood why and how she had contributed to her own marriage collapse and the core reason behind her issues with finances.
Kay realised that she had been operating in poverty consciousness all this time. She needed to change the stories that she was creating in her mind. Her realisations were deep because they were made at the subconscious level. Fortunately, it is possible to tap away the money blocks, rewrite the past and reverse the programming.
What Was Done to Help Kay
Belief Change at Subconscious Level. After Kay had understood what her lessons were, we worked on changing her beliefs at the subconscious. From “not good enough”, I helped her to install beliefs about being worthy and deserving.
Inner Child Healing. Throughout, we worked together with her inner child or wounded child to overcome her feelings of being unwanted and abandonment. The 6-year old wanted clothes that fitted her. She selected a bright yellow dress that brought out the sunshine in her personality. We worked on integrating the energetic picture of a happy child.
Change in Money Story. We cleared her old money beliefs and went on to reimprint Kay’s subconscious with a new story – one that would support her with attracting a money breakthrough and a new reality.
Resourceful State. We worked on shifting Kay into a more resourceful state. From feeling helplessness, she was able to empower herself with creative problem solving and the willingness to be open to new possibilities.
The Aftermath from Clearing Money Blocks
Collapsing the old stories that Kay once had set her free. She experienced shifts as she released her emotional disruptions. From having embraced her inner child, she tuned into a sense of “coming home”. (I equate this to being self-love that she had integrated – a return to wholeness.)
Kay was happy to have worked on clearing money blocks through releasing her childhood pain. In fact, as she discovered, she was no longer as bothered about her financial situation. She was less uptight over things and felt more at ease with herself.
I was delighted to hear from Kay a few weeks later when she reported that she’s been attracting new prospects. The installation of the belief that she is “good enough” had helped to improve her self-esteem. She was able to go for networking events to promote her services confidently.
Kay worked hard both externally and internally through processing her resistances. She went on to selling three properties with a lot less struggle. That gave her enough assurance that she could be independent. She was able to afford rent and to move out to a new apartment after 4 months.
My Thoughts
All in, I was happy to have helped Kay. It was great that she took responsibility and committed to working on herself for clearing money blocks. Kay is now in a more resourceful state to deal with ongoing life challenges. I’m proud of how far she has come. That’s empowerment for her!!
Much love, Evelyn Lim Abundance Coach for Women in Business
The new trend on social media are posts that are tagged with #10YearChallenge.
In case you have missed these posts, allow me to share with you what the trend is about.
The trend first started on facebook and have since gone viral. People – including celebrities, social media influencers and just about anyone – have been posting two side-by-side photos of themselves, one from 10 years ago 2009 and the other from 2019. Along with their posts, they have tagged #10YearChallenge, #10YearsChallenge or #2019vs2009.
Well, my feed has certainly been inundated with posts with the said hashtags. The #10YearChallenge posts are popular with the people I follow. For most of those who have published their photos, I can barely tell the difference. It is as if they had hardly aged. Good or them with maintaining their looks!
And so at first, I thought to myself, maybe I should post too. It will be great to read what others have to say about mine ha! Knowing how kind friends are, I suspect that they will generally write positive comments.
But…wait a minute….
If I should review what has happened over the last decade….
I would like to believe that my biggest transformation DID NOT come from physical appearance.Continue reading
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You may find it hard to love and accept yourself if you believe and feel that you are ugly. Hate to look at yourself in the mirror? Have challenges with attracting a soul mate or your dream job because you think that your looks is in the way?
Read on to find out how you can love and accept yourself anyway. I am updating this post with more tips as I am discovering that this is an issue that afflicts a number of the clients I have been working with.
Through this post, I hope to stress the importance of self-love despite having an appearance that you may perceive as “flawed”. When you have a negative perception about yourself, your self-confidence comes down. This ultimately affects your ability to achieve your highest potential and also with manifesting what you want in life.
In fact, you could be aware that how you look to yourself matters more than what other people are saying. Whether or not you are truly “ugly” can be an issue that is perceived or real. Some women can sweat over a mole or having wrinkle lines. Others may have features that could be deemed ugly by society’s standards. Whatever the case may be, you face difficulties with getting past your looks, no matter how others may assure you.
