How to Resolve Relationship Conflict
“The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together.” Barbara de Angelis
Perhaps there have been past hurts, karmic influences or unresolved issues. And so, you may have found it hard to completely forgive. There could be that old grudge, a niggling sense of blame, a feeling of betrayal….which did not all go away, despite the outward appearance of a resolution.
The tear inside your heart may well be the reason why you sabotage your relationship every now and then. You may have taken the steps to mend it but the slightest of wounds – if anything – remains.
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Double Valentine for Double the Love
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu
If you are not already aware, it is going to be a double valentine celebration on February 14 this year. You see….the last day of Chinese New Year – a celebration that lasts for 15 days – also falls on February 14, St Valentine’s Day. Coincidentally, the last day of Chinese New Year is also a Chinese Valentine’s Day.
The Christian celebration of St Valentine’s Day is usually made with buying gifts for your lover; such as flowers, chocolates and jewellery. Well, allow me to share more about the customs and celebrations that fall on the last day of Chinese New Year.
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How to Eliminate Negative Self-Talk with Self-Love Meditation
“Relentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image.” Denis Waitley
Reportedly, we can have as many as 70,000 thoughts in a day. If we minus off 8 hours of sleep, it will work out to having a thought every 1.2 seconds. In the constant stream of thoughts, we are interpreting situations through our filters. There is a conversation going on in our minds. Psychologists call the conversation “self-talk”.
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How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection
Is the fear of rejection stopping you from being free to pursue what you want?
Well, it is one fear that strikes many of us. The perception of having been rejected can cut like a stab in the heart. In an instant, you can feel as if you are drained of all blood. Dizziness ensues and you hang on to dear life, gasping for air.
“There is going to be a hundred thousand doors slammed in your face before one opens, so feel ok about taking rejection.” – Heather Matarazzo
I don’t know of anyone who has the privilege of going through life without ever experiencing the fear of rejection at least once. I have certainly been rejected many times. In a few of the situations, back when I was in my early 20s, I had thought that I would not be able to survive past the rejection. With despair, I would drown my sorrow via drinking and clubbing several times a week. Fortunately, these days, I have found better ways to deal with the fear of rejection.
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How To Let Go of The Past
Not being able to let go of the past can keep you stuck for years. The suffering of holding on keeps your stories alive. Attachment drives you into heartache. In fact, over time, you could have also gotten used to the suffering. So much so that you may even feel lost at the thought of becoming free from pain.
(Photo: Singapore Botanic Gardens)
It is possible to fear that there will be emptiness when you let go of the past. You are not sure what could be left of you if all the anger, hurt and resentment is gone. After all, you have defined yourself by the stories you believe in. You may think that it is better to cling on the old stories because you fear losing your identity. Well, as I had discovered, this is erroneous thinking.Continue reading
How to Open Your Heart to Love
Find it difficult to open your heart? If happens when you cut off your feelings. It could be that you have been dealing with life mostly from your head. There is a certain disconnection about you that others can sense. Others may even call you cold. You believe it to be mostly true for you do not recall shedding a tear even while watching the most tragic scene in the Titanic movie.
“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
– Oscar Wilde
Very likely, your difficulty stems from past trauma. You have been hurt real bad previously. So your resourceful subconscious mind protects you with a shield around your heart. It is so thick that little love can penetrate through.
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101 Ways to Love Your Life
When you love your life, everything works. You become happy. There is a skip in your walk, a song in your heart, a shine in your aura, a joy in your being. Others are attracted to you. You find yourself supported by the universe. Success, invariably, becomes easy.
(See Tip #100 below)
Just imagine if the opposite is true.
Life appears bleak and that there is nothing to live for. And you believe that you are right in holding on to the pessimistic view: your life sucks. You have enough evidence to prove that life has little or no meaning. Everything has been a struggle so far.
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How to Overcome Self Doubt
Self doubt happens when you have little belief in yourself. There is an inner lack of faith and confidence. You are not able to claim your own accomplishments, even when due. You feel like an imposter, a fraud and a cheat. You deem yourself as unworthy of any kind of praise, accolades or validation; although you are deserving.
When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.
It does not matter that others may think highly of you. What counts is the perception and evaluation of your own capability. You very much doubt in your own ability or power to garner required resources or support.
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How to Overcome the Fear of Success
It sounds ridiculous that anyone can have the fear of success. However, the fear of success is as psychologically valid as the fear of failure. In fact, the fear of success is often not as easily detectable because it lies in your subconscious. It is through recognizing repeated self-sabotaging behavior that you can possibly deduce that you may just be having this fear.
There is a difference between the fear of success and the fear of failure. The fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes, fear of falling short and fear of not reaching your intended goal. Conversely, the fear of success is the deliberate (although rooted in the subconscious) subversion to success that you already know is reachable.
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Practice The Hugging Meditation To Express Love
I came across The Hugging Meditation by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh recently and was blown away by its simplicity, beauty and grace. I believe that anyone can practice it. It does not require one to sit in an attempt to still the mind, an activity which can be frustrating for someone new to meditation. The Hugging Meditation is found in the his Plum Village Chanting and Recitation Book.
(My kids experienced great joy from Hugging Meditation.)
Thich Nhah Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who now lives in France. His graceful and simple way of conveying his teachings has helped made Buddhism and meditation appealing throughout the world. I had the privilege of attending his talk when he came to Singapore.
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