How to Overcome the Fear of Success
It sounds ridiculous that anyone can have the fear of success. However, the fear of success is as psychologically valid as the fear of failure. In fact, the fear of success is often not as easily detectable because it lies in your subconscious. It is through recognizing repeated self-sabotaging behavior that you can possibly deduce that you may just be having this fear.
There is a difference between the fear of success and the fear of failure. The fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes, fear of falling short and fear of not reaching your intended goal. Conversely, the fear of success is the deliberate (although rooted in the subconscious) subversion to success that you already know is reachable.
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5 Life Areas of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage is an unconscious subversion, disruption or obstruction to hinder your own cause or endeavour. You consciously have a desired outcome but you work against yourself unconsciously. And hence, you have been putting obstacles in your own path to success.
“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.”
– Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Through words, actions or behaviour, you make things worse instead of better. Instead of becoming the best you can be or having the best that you can have, you eventually find yourself having to settle for less. It is certainly not desirable if you are hoping to live life fully.
Self Love Series: 101 Loving Yourself Quotes
Loving yourself quotes are sayings to inspire you for practising greater self-love.
From brilliant poets to inspirational writers and the great sages of all time, each had espoused one and the same: love within yourself leads you to love for all. Self-love is the secret to living fully. Through healthy self-love, you lay the foundation to creating your best life!
(Love who you are. Love yourself through self acceptance, forgiveness and esteem. My collage illustrates Loving Yourself Quote #62 below.)
The following are 101 loving yourself quotes. I have also classified the quotes according to the sub-categories of self-love, where possible. Pick one each day to contemplate over its meaning. Enjoy!
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How to Overcome 5 Negative Self Talk Patterns
As I have discovered, getting caught in a negative self talk pattern can be crippling. I found out how low my self-love was after becoming more aware of what I was saying to myself. It was shocking for me to realise that I was mostly in fear, shame and anger and how it had resulted in feelings of depression, exhaustion and depletion of energy.
(From My Art journal: Self Talk Painting)
Fortunately, once I created the awareness, I had been able to change my self-talk to a more positive one.
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10 Tips to Overcome Shyness
There are ways to overcome shyness even if you are in a social setting.
Are you painfully shy? Do you often feel awkward, turn white, stammer in anxiety, mumble and/or look away when someone approaches you to talk? Many people never outgrow the feelings off shyness that they experienced as children, and as an adult, being shy can pose tremendous social challenges that impede on success. Luckily, it is possible to overcome shyness at any time.
My daughter is encouraged to smile more despite being shy.
As a child, I was extremely shy. My voice was hardly audible. I wished that I could disappear into the ground when people I didn’t know well, approached me with a question. Until I entered college, I frequently hoped that no one would notice me. In college, I became somewhat split in my desires; torn between wanting to be noticed by the boys and not wanting to be noticed by the teachers during class.
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How To Do Pendulum Dowsing
“That was when I saw the Pendulum. The sphere, hanging from a long wire set into the ceiling of the choir, swayed back and forth with isochronal majesty. I knew — but anyone could have sensed it in the magic of that serene breathing — that the period was governed by the square root of the length of the wire and by pi, that number which however irrational to sublunar minds, through a higher rationality binds the circumference and diameter of all possible circles. The time it took the sphere to swing from end to end was determined by an arcane conspiracy between the most timeless of measures: the singularity of the point of suspension, the duality of the plane’s dimensions, the triadic beginning of pi, the secret quadratic nature of the root, and the unnumbered perfection of the circle itself.”
— Foucault’s Pendulum, Umberto Eco
Pendulum dowsing is a skill that I have been trying to hone since last year. It is the practice of asking your subconscious mind/Higher Self/Spiritual Guide (depending on your intent) questions and getting the answers by noting the swing of a pendulum. It is a process of discovering answers to questions that do not normally come through your five senses or through logic, but as conscious feedback. Basic dowsing gives a yes/no response to questions asked. Because the steps are so simple and do not require you to be a psychic, anyone can learn it!
How To Calm Down From Unresolved Anger Quickly
Is your life pretty much like a roller coaster? You may be in extreme joy one moment but in the next, your emotion comes crashing down like a tide. You practically have little control. What you feel is pretty much dictated by the experiences that life throws at you. If anything, anger is a negative emotion that you often find yourself with. Well, I can pretty much relate to the scenerio that I’ve just described; it depicted much of how my life was previously.
With introspection, one important lesson that I have come to know is that it is very possible to detach myself from anger. Before, I would be so identified with anger that I totally immerse myself in it. The more I connected with my inner feelings of hurt and frustration associated with the anger, the higher the intensity of my emotions.
7 Instances Why Your Positive Affirmations Fail To Work
Are you about to give up and proclaim that positive affirmations do not work?
You already are aware of the benefits of thinking positively. And so, you have been trying to use positive affirmations daily. Yet, despite repeating them like a mantra for several times a day, you’ve not met with any success.
In my post today, I would like to share with you a couple of key learnings that I have made. I would like to share some examples of my own. Be on your way to making positive affirmations work for you!
What Are Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are thoughts or statements on a desired state or outcome. The desired state or outcome can cover any aspect of your life such as in abundance, success, relationships or health. One common example of an affirmation is “I consistently and easily make $X a month”. Using positive affirmations is powerful because consistent thoughts can become realities. Hence, the more often you reinforce the positive, the more it is likely to happen.
While you would prefer to believe that you are a positive person, in reality, it could be the opposite. On a subconscious level, you may have several negative self sabotaging thoughts and beliefs. These thoughts are usually formed from the various experiences that you have had, the conditioning that you went through as a child, your sense of fair play, your successes and failures and the values that you have been taught and come to adopt.
Consistent thoughts make up your belief system, when you give them power and more focus. Gary Craig, the founder of the Emotional Freedom Technique, calls them “writings on your wall”. They form the “writings on your wall” from which you frequently consult in your everyday life.
If the “writings on your wall” tend to be negative and limiting, they can hinder you from taking risks, achieving your dreams or simply being the best that you can be. Here are some common examples of “writings on the wall” that are not very useful:
– “Don’t rock the boat.”
– “Don’t risk getting yourself hurt.”
– “Know where you come from.”
– “You are not all that capable.”
– “Don’t draw too much attention to yourself. No one likes a showoff.”
Positive affirmations are statements that can help replace these “writings on your wall”. They are great to use after clearing negative emotions and thoughts. Positive affirmations are great for financial abundance, enriching relationships and pursuing possibilities.
Hence, if repeating positive affirmations have not worked for you, find out why.
Why Aren’t Your Positive Affirmations Working?
1. Presence of Tail Enders
Perhaps one of the main reasons why positive affirmations do not work is because of the presence of tail enders. Tail enders are beliefs and thoughts that appear at the end of the affirmation.
Let me give you an easy example to illustrate what a tail ender is. Say your positive daily affirmation is “I easily and consistently make $50,000 a month”. Your tail enders may go like this….
– “But if I make $50,000 a month, I will have friends and relatives come borrow money from me.”
– “But if I make $50,000 a month, I will be known as rich by my friends and rich people are not nice.”
– “But if I make $50,000 a month, I will have to work very hard in my job to earn that and I will have no life left.”
– “But if I make $50,000 a month, my friends will not like me.”
– “But if I make $50,000 a month, women (or men) will want to be with me more for how much I make and not for whom I am.”
The list of tail enders can go on and on. You can have tail enders for just about any affirmation that you use for health, relationships, love, etc. So if you have been diligently saying your positive affirmations but find that they are not working, you may want to ask yourself if you’ve got some tail enders that are sabotaging your initial intent. Tail enders can easily reduce the effectiveness of your affirmations. It takes a while to unearth all the limiting tail enders but once you uncover them, you open up the opportunity to erase them. And you can do this with EFT.
2. Your Affirmation Is A Should.
You may make an affirmation which you do not really want. Often enough, people make affirmations because their parents say so, all their friends are doing so or it sounds like a good affirmation to affirm.
You may even have a tail ender that says this “I easily and consistently make $50,000 a month but I do not really want it.” In this example, it may be that you have other dreams, rather than just a money goal.
It is important that you make affirmations according to what you really want, rather than make them based on your shoulds. Your wants are aligned desires that come from within your soul and not from someone else’s dream.
3. Your Affirmation Is Not Realistic Enough.
If your affirmation appears to be a lofty goal to you, you may inadvertently set up tail enders that says it is too difficult to attain. Let’s use the first example again for illustration. For instance, if you currently make $1000 a month, then making an affirmation on “I easily and consistently make $50,000 a month” may be too much of a stretch to you.
Of course, you can use meridian tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique to erase the tail enders. But you may find yourself having to deal with a long list of negative sabotaging thoughts. It may be far easier to set an interim but more realistic affirmation; such as “I easily and consistently make $5,000 a month” and work your way up. You will find that you will have less obstacles to clear subconsciously, as you move up the ladder.
4. Your Affirmation Is Not Exciting Enough.
If your affirmation is not exciting enough, you may lose motivation. Affirmations must have enough “pull” for you to focus your intent on. For instance, from currently making $1,000 monthly, would $5,000 a month be a good enough affirmation for you to work on? I would think so.
Your affirmation also works best if you say it with some emotion. When you can actually “feel” your affirmation, its impact increases dramatically.
One important tip is that it is best that you do not let others know too much about your dreams and affirmations. Announcing them to people who are not very supportive and who have little understanding about what you are doing, can invite criticisms. They may just douse your enthusiasm, causing you to give up on your affirmation. Hence, it is best to keep things to yourself, focus your thoughts and get some results, before sharing your findings with others.
5. Your Positive Affirmation Is Not Made In The Present Tense.
Your affirmation is less effective if you use words like “I will be _________” instead of “I am ________ “. Of course, you may feel that it is inappropriate to affirm something that has not happened yet. But saying things in the present tense will program your subconscious mind to believe that what you affirm is already a fact. Once your subconscious mind believes that it is true, you will find yourself taking actions to make your goal a reality.
6. Your Affirmation Focuses On The Negative Rather Than Accentuating The Positive.
Think back about all your affirmations. Are you formulating them in the positive or in the negative sense? Affirmations made from a negative perspective will only draw your subconscious mind to your old habitual and limiting thoughts. They will not be as effective in bringing about desired positive outcomes.
“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” Elbert Hubbard quotes (American editor, publisher and writer, 1856-1915)
7. Your Affirmation Is Not Supported By Your Dreams.
You may associate dreams as something that is so big but which are unattainable. And so, you pooh pooh the idea of dreaming: why waste time imagining the impossible when dreams seldom come true?
Well, there is much value in daydreaming. And in case you believe so, daydreaming is not just for kids. When you daydream, you connect yourself with all possibilities. The act of daydreaming itself creates a nice feeling when you think “how nice if I would be if I can/am _________”. When you feel good, you start to exude a positive energy vibration. According to the Law of Attraction, you may well start to attract the opportunities that matches the same vibration.
“Dreams are like the paints of a great artist. Your dreams are your paints, the world is your canvas. Believing, is the brush that converts your dreams into a masterpiece of reality.”
— Unknown
Summary: Guidelines To Help Make Positive Affirmations A Success
1. Make affirmations short and succinct, with no tail enders.
2. Base your affirmations on wants and not shoulds.
3. Make them realistic.
4. Make your affirmations exciting enough.
5. State affirmations in the present tense.
6. State affirmations in the positive.
7. Augment your affirmations with dreams.
In short, before you conclude that positive affirmations do not work, go through this checklist first and see if you have made them correctly.
It is important to have fun while making affirmations. Adjust them from time to time to eliminate boredom. Cover your intent adequately with affirmations by focusing on different aspects of your goal and watch your desires unfold before you.
EFT: Feelings Of Inadequacy
Ever felt inadequate as a parent? I know I have. Even after some 7 years of parenting, I still get pangs of insecurity or not knowing how best to deal with a trying situation with my kids.
In fact, I decided to address these negative emotions during my therapy sesson with my EFT practitioner, today. Things have been pretty stressful for a few days in a row when my kids took turns to make unreasonable demands. The negative emotions were easily neutralized using EFT tappingin seconds. (Emotional healing work has been less of a strain and more of a breeze these days, now that I have cleared many of my negative blocks.)
My stress had also brought back a flood of memories. I have always wanted to have kids but nothing quite prepared me for the vast responsibility that comes with being a parent.
When I became a mother for the first time, I was extremely stressed. I did not know what to do or how to take care of a newborn. My husband was constantly away on business trips and I was left pretty much on my own. My mother dropped by often, when she noted that I needed help with Hui. But her babysitting skills were limited. When I was a child, I was taken care of by a helper. She had little prior experience with Hui being her first grandchild.
At that point in time, I had also decided to leave a full time career. On reflection, I must have suffered from post natal blues. I was depressed for a good many months after the birth of my daugther.
I got smarter as the years went by. I drew up schedules for my kids, so that they knew when is reading time and when is playtime. We set up certain guidelines so that my kids knew what is expected of them. Still, there will be situations that will come up unexpectedly with my kids and that require some ingenuity in dealing with them.
I recognise that I may get this wave of inadequacy every now and then. But the technique I can apply, when faced with two unyielding kids, is EFT tapping. I also make it a point to set aside time daily in quiet meditation and reflection. If things do get overwhelming and I cannot deal with the stress on my own, I make a note to deal with the specific negative emotions for my next therapy session. Parenting may still be one of the toughest job on earth, but it has gotten a whole lot easier!