3 Examples of Secondary Gain That Keep You Financially Stuck

What is secondary gain?

Secondary gain keeps you in sabotage. You may have a certain goal, desire or dream. However, the existence of a secondary gain obstructs you from taking the necessary steps for goal alignment. The secondary gain is the reason that keeps you stuck. You mistakenly perceive that there is a greater benefit to remaining where you currently are.

Let’s apply that to a money situation. You have the dream of becoming a successful entrepreneur. Yet, you take no action towards the dream. You choose to spend hours playing Candy Crush on Facebook or some other computer game with whatever free time you have. The secondary gain that you derive is the feel-good that you derive from the games.

It becomes difficult for a breakthrough once you are stuck in mindless repetitive activity. You could be in the same state for a very long time. You are aware of how frustrated you feel about not achieving your dream, but could be unconscious to the specific secondary benefit that is preventing you from moving forward.
Continue reading

5 Possible Outcomes From Battling Money Woes

Are money woes causing you to react in a way that affects your overall wellness even more?

I have observed some common outcomes that my clients and friends – those with money struggles – report to having. Their money woes might not have started out as something huge – in the big picture of things. Yet, a number of them felt that they “cannot take it”. They experienced emotional reactions that caused them to take on irrational behavior or unwise actions.

Eventually, their behavior and actions made the situation worse. Their money woes soon became bigger. Their problems became a lot harder to deal with.

I lost a dear friend who took his own life. It was money issues that contributed a large part to his depression. Although he was not the reason why I decided to specialize with helping others deal with their money struggles a year on, his encounters certainly gave me a lot of food for thought on how financial triggers could end dramatically.
Continue reading

How to Tap Into Wealth

“EFT is a mind-body-spirit tool that can help you transmute into the gold of who you are.” Wealth Tapestry

Money can be an uncomfortable subject for you, like many others. You may find it easier to talk about your love life and family than about your financial situation. Any talk on money and wealth potentially triggers plenty of emotional reactions. You may find that you love money and yet resent its power over you. You may reason that you can live without it, and in the next breath, claim that you cannot live without it.

Thus, money can be a source of great joy or utter misery for you. Because of the role that money plays, you carry these emotions into every aspect of your life. Whether you are able to travel the world, have a nice roof over your head or pay off your debt, your hopes and dreams are related to the possibilities that money can bring.
Continue reading

How Low Self Worth Affects Your Net Worth

Could your low self worth be affecting your net worth?

Oddly enough, whether you perceive yourself as worthy or not can affect your net worth. According to the dictionary, self worth means the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect. On the other hand, net worth refers to your net economic balance, which is derived from the value of all your assets minus the value of your liabilities.

“When your self worth goes up, your net worth goes up with it.”- Mark Victor Hansen

“Self worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” Wayne Dyer

With self worth, you undergo an internal appraisal process whereby you assess whether you are “good enough” or “deserving”. From my understanding, self-worth is based on values. If you are not living up to the values that you hold dear, the esteem that you hold for yourself drops. When this happens, you will find it to project yourself confidently; thus impacting your ability to shine on the outside.
Continue reading

How to Move Into Action Now

It’s action that counts, not words, and we need action now! – So let’s just stop gabbing on about it! It’s completely pointless, and it’s getting us nowhere! – I agree! This is a complete waste of time!” — Monty Python, Life of Brian

This article is contributed by Richard Lund, a reader to this blog.

How to Move into Action Now
by Richard Lund

Do you ever get stuck? Do you keep reading and researching and looking for answers, but even the most amazing insights don’t seem to make a difference in your life?

If this is the case, the answer may simply be: Action.

Take That First Step

Let me rewind a bit and tell you about someone I knew about 20 years ago. Looking back at this today, I have to imagine that he must have chosen this really challenging life for himself with some minor mental disabilities and a lot of loss in his immediate family. Somehow, we crossed paths, and after a while I started trying to help him with what little I had figured out about life back then.
Continue reading

Self-Love Interview Story: Gift of Presence

“Show your body that you are aware of yourself even in the moment that you are serving another.” Joy Holland during the interview call

Over a week ago, I invited Joy Holland to have a chat with me on “vesting presence as a self-love gift”. Joy Holland blogs about the gift of presence in order that we can shine our inner brilliance. She is a heart healer, clarity facilitator and practitioner of presence. She also works a lot with women who are abused.

In particular, I wanted to find out from Joy how she – as a mother to two children – brings presence into her everyday life. As a mother myself, I can understand how difficult it is to stay focused in the moment, especially when there is something go on with the children. Many mothers I know tend to be in a state of worry (please read 25 coping tips for stressed-out mothers here).
Continue reading

Celebrating Your Divine Love on Mother’s Day

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” – Barbara Kingsolver

(The photo is a cheesecake that my daughter, Hui, baked last year. Needless to say, it was Yummy!!)

Mother’s day is an occasion to celebrate you (assuming you are one) being a mother.

Don’t undermine your role.

As the nurturing caregiver, you are not only the one who makes sure that your children’s basic needs are met but also the one who is the cheerleader to your children’s dreams. You help shape the lives of tomorrow’s leaders.
Continue reading

How to Spot 10 Warning Signs of Narcissism in Your Partner

Someone with signs of narcissism is described as extremely self-centered. The narcissist is predominantly preoccupied with thoughts of “I, me, myself or mine”. Egoistical, he (or she) strives to be in a superior position. What differentiates narcissism from other forms of behaviour is sadism. The narcissist tends to disparage and belittle others.

Like many other conditions, narcissism occurs in a spectrum. At its most extreme, it is known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This article covers content that pertains to individuals with narcissistic tendencies. For an accurate diagnosis, please consult with a trained mental health professional.

“Unconscious people – and many remain unconscious, trapped in their egos throughout their lives – will quickly tell you who they are: their name, their occupation, their personal history, the shape or state of their body, and whatever else they identify with.” – Eckhart Tolle

I was speaking to a client the other day. Michelle (pseudonym) has been feeling rather battered by her husband. From her descriptions, it appears that her husband is someone who has narcissistic traits. Of course, her sense of self-worth and self-love were not high to begin with.
Continue reading

Interview Story: Heal Cancer with Self-Love

“Befriend, don’t battle, cancer.”

“We cannot take a spiritual bypass, especially when we are faced with a challenge of this magnitude.”

“Make more room for the light.”

– Rev Denise DeSimone during the interview call

I would like to introduce to you, Rev Denise DeSimone, author to the book From Stage IV to Center Stage, in today’s post. An interfaith minister, Reiki Master and a sound healer, Denise has had a remarkable journey in that she survived Stage IV throat and neck cancer. She first wrote to me about 2-3 weeks ago as she had come across my posts on self-love.
Continue reading

How to Build Healthy Self-Esteem By Balancing the Ego

Building healthy self esteem is a popular topic area with many personal development experts. After all, it is considered to be the foundation for individual success. Obviously, if you have low self esteem, it can become hard to achieve much in life. As the experts say, you need to believe that you are worthy of success in order to attract success. Mostly, everyone likes to do business with you if you have a winning attitude, one that reeks of success.

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”- Malcolm S. Forbes

According to Freud, an important part of humanity is the ego. The traditional formula for success is to build the ego so that you increase your sense of self-worth. The danger is that a strong ego can eventually lead to an inflated sense of self. You experience the constant need to prove yourself as superior to others. It is a false sense of self-esteem that you are building, if you ask me.
Continue reading